A Mother’s Work

July 29th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Mindful + Wholehearted Parenting, Nourishing Family No comments - Tags: ,

IMG_6192

Today, my daughter and I had the most fun-filled spontaneous day ever. At least it was for me. And we didn’t have to spend a single dime. 

We started out the day hanging out in our pajamas and taking our sweet time eating breakfast and getting ready for the day. A little bit of chores here and there with some 80’s music in the background. The weather was too cool for a beach day so I strapped her on to the trailer and I braved hauling her around on my bike for the very first time. Of course we didn’t venture far from our neighborhood. Our destination was the playground three blocks from our house, but we took the long scenic route. I wanted to get the feel of riding my bike with her behind me before we explored further out. But that was just the beginning of fun.

There was nobody else at the playground, which meant TOTAL FREEDOM to do whatever we wanted. I decided that instead of watching her play by herself, I was going to be fully present and play. Like, really play. Something I don’t always do, especially when there are other people around. 

We had a blast. She insisted on pushing me down the big slide and she insisted on going by herself without Mama’s help. I swung on the monkey bars (or at least tried to) while she laughed at me. We rolled around the grass, chased each other until we were laughing so hard that we had to stop, and had our lunch in the sun with birds for company. A seeming ordinary day that felt extra-ordinary, because I chose to be Present.

Is this really my day job? 

It so is. 

THIS is my life’s work for now. In which keeping the house squeaky clean is completely optional.

Tips Of Another Kind Tuesday: An Encouragement For The Domestically Challenged Mom

July 27th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Minimalist Kitchen, Nourishing Kitchen, Real Food 8 comments - Tags: ,

In this blog’s past life (oh, about six months ago), I dedicated my Tuesdays on writing about everything related to Food. I mostly focused on Real Food advocacy because my family was transitioning to a more sustainable way of eating.  I was very much motivated at first to make EVERYTHING we eat from scratch, forego all the yucky processed food and vowed never to eat McDonald’s ever ever again. 

But guess what? 

I have broken that vow a few times and I probably will do so again.  And I don’t make everything from scratch and I sometimes still feed my family something I know isn’t completely healthy. And for a long time, I felt like a complete faker. As if I can only be one or the other: an all-natural-cook-from scratch-granola-loving-grow-vegetables-kind of mom OR a Goldfish-and-Rice-A-Roni-and-Take-Out-kind of mom. 

But I’m neither. I’m somewhere in the between and I’m totally okay with that. 

Because I have learned to accept a few things: 

  • I am not a Martha Stewart and the kitchen is not my most favorite place to be. Which means that the more time I spend making all sorts of stuff in the kitchen, the more crabby I get and the less time I have to do more of what I enjoy of with my family. Which means I need to stick to a minimalist approach to cooking to get the most out of the short time I spend on it.
  • I am a slow learner when it comes to cooking. Which means I have to take things slow and not make crazy goals, like learning how to make kombucha, making my own yogurt and soaking flour all at once. And that I had better focus on the simple but necessary things like  putting a healthy and yummy dinner on the table every night. 
  • I tend to take three steps forward and two steps back. Which means I had better look at my overall progress instead of what I had failed to do this week. Because my overall progress from a couple of years ago gives me a much more accurate picture than focusing on my  one decision to let my little toddler eat Chicken McNuggets at McDonalds: we’re growing some vegetables from our garden, we rarely buy take-out even though it means we might eat the same things that I have in my small repertoire of recipes that I can do well, I’ve learned to make awesome pot pies from scratch, and we rarely have junk food in our house. 

Part of becoming an Authentic Mother is be honest about who you are and figure out strategies that work for you and your family, given your goals. It’s important to focus on the Essentials of Mothering instead of the Ideal Image of A Mother so you can tailor it to how you work best.

Are you a domestically-challenged mom like me? If so, how have you managed to make your house into a home your way? I would love to hear! If you liked this article, you might want to consider subscribing to A Nourishing Home. It’s free!

The Ability To Bend Without Breaking

July 26th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Faith + Spirituality, Joy + Growth, Nourishing Ourselves No comments - Tags: ,

 

By ItyDesigns

(I am over at Passionate Homemaking Today! Head on over.) 

When I was working as a recruiter for an international mission agency, one of things we emphasize in our training is the ability to go with the flow. To accept the unfamiliar for what it is, to let go of things beyond our control and to accept, no, to embrace the sometimes messy and often chaotic situations that one will inevitably find herself in.

Some call it tolerance. I call it, flexibility: the awesome ability to bend back and forth without breaking. Click here to continue.

Introducing The Velveteen Mama Tribe

July 26th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Nourishing Ourselves 3 comments - Tags: , ,

So. Welcome to Mommy Muse Mondays. A day focused on Nourishing Ourselves. On making space for the Me in the Mother, so we can have more of Our True Selves to give away to the Ones we love. On celebrating both our Strengths and Struggles. On practical insight and honest inspiration to feed your mind, heart and soul without sounding like a Hallmark Card.

Because I am learning that some days I hang my identity onto this Motherhood thing a bit too much. And quickly it engulfs me and before I know it I have lost sight of who I am. Because I am learning that taking care of children is an endless demand on my limited supply of energy and strength and patience and creativity. Because I am learning that I gravitate towards earning the Badge of Selfless and Super Mom Award as if to be able to do Everything Myself and Perfectly at that, is what my family truly needs of me. Because am learning that it is more important to Laugh and be Fully present than to be always Right and Admired. Because I am learning that I alone am responsible for my own joy and growth and yet desperately need a Community of kindred spirits for support, encouragement and lots of loving-kindness vibe.

Is this you, too?

Could you maybe, possibly belong to The Velveteen Mama Tribe? Yes, I’m thinking Velveteen Rabbit, and yes, it’s a tribe for Moms who are in this journey of Becoming Real. Who believe that we must be Wholly and Simply Ourselves if we are to do this Motherhood gig in Joy, and for the long, long haul. Who champion Authentic Mothering, not Perfect Mothering (blech!) 

If this is you, leave a comment and let us know what it means for you to be A Velveteen Mama and why it’s important. I’m  still working on a Velveteen Mama manifesto and other related Stuff. So if you have some thoughts and insights to share, I’d love to hear about them!

Dear Readers, Would You Kindly Let Me Know What You Think?

July 21st, 2010 · Vina Barham · Odds + Ends 9 comments - Tags:

 

By Eleaf

 

So I’ve been going through a blog identity crisis as you have all witnessed grandly. A little tweaking here, a little tweaking there. And before you know it, here we are. From “Everyday Simplicity and Authenticity” to “Rethinking Homemaking And A Whole Lot Of Stuff.” And I was wondering, what do YOU think?

I struggle with having a lot of great ideas without a whole lot of focus.  I had a nourishing theme going on in this blog (you know, with my old categories: Nourishing Ourselves, Nourishing Kitchen, Nourishing Family and Nourishing Lifestyle), it seemed like I had a focus. But it was a focus that was fast fading because I wanted to write about other things too, and I wasn’t sure if this was the right space for it. I started the other blog to explore topics that don’t seem to fit here, but in the process I began to change what I write and the parts of me that I bring to this blog. And so I was wondering, have I lost you in all of this? I wish I had asked first for your input, because truly, without all of you my dear readers, I am might as well write in my secret journal. You know, the kind with a key and a lock and all.

As much as I write for myself, I write for YOU. I really do. And I have lost sight of that a bit. I would love to know: what is the value for YOU coming to this blog? Subscribing to this blog? Spending your precious minutes reading my words?

If you’ve been reading and noticing this blog’s subtle metamorphosis, I am dying for your observations. Here’s a few more questions, if you would be so kind to oblige:

  • What topics would you like to see more of? 
  • What topics have you enjoyed best? 
  • What ways has this blog encouraged you? Or not? 
  • What was your reaction to the changes I’ve been making in this blog? Say it loud. I’m listening.
  • Do you have any advice for me? 

It’s truly time to turn the tables. YOU have a whole lot of incredibly useful and valuable stuff to say and I haven’t been very good at drawing it out. And  I’m going to start learning how to. Because I want to keep writing, and YOU help me do that.

I don’t have any giveaways to entice you to answer these questions. I’ve never been a fan of those (and if you have a compelling reason for such, you can try to persuade me to the other side!) and I’m such a rebel at heart that I try to NOT do what everyone is doing. I’m just relying on your good ol’ kindness and generosity to help me out here so I can keep producing stuff worth reading and coming back to. 

Much Love,

Vina

Insight Vs. Information: A Smarter Way To Work

July 20th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Inspired To Done, Nourishing Work 3 comments - Tags:

By Solstizio

We live in a world where there is more useful information than we can ever possibly need. Millions of recipes to choose from everyday is just a click away. Information on how to save more, how to live greener, how to live healthier, how to do almost anything you can think of. And as a first time mom, I needed some of that information to help me my first few months of navigating a world so alien to me. But one information leads to another and before I knew it, I was subscribed to hundreds of blogs. I felt overwhelmed with the Information Overload. Everyone has an idea of how to do things, of what I need to do in my life to be a better mom, a more productive mom, a simpler mom. Everyday I was constantly bombarded with More of Other People’s Ideas and Less Of My Own Original Ones.

How do we simplify?

We need to tune in more to Insight than Information.

Instead of being bombarded with information you might not TRULY need via blogs, news, websites, whatever else, soak yourself with Insight that illuminates truth about Life, the World and Yourself so you can filter the information and focus on what will truly be useful for you. It requires more soul+heart+mind work but once you put in those hours, Life becomes a bit more effort-less because you have more Clarity of your Everyday. You are able to let go of the Stuff that are non-essentials to you at this point in your life, and tune in with laser-like focus on what Matters and Make Sense for You right now in this present.

How this looks like in my life: I’ve stopped reading blogs that offer nothing more but information on a daily basis. I decided that I will find the information I need when I need it. What is essential for me to thrive everyday, to find the answers within me, to parent from my Authentic Core is Insight that Inspires, Encourages and Empowers. The kind of stuff I linked to yesterday. The stuff that keeps you from being a purist, from sucking enough and from the messy middle.

What Insight Do You Need Today?

Sending Some Summer Link Loves

July 19th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Odds + Ends 5 comments - Tags:

Photo By Martin Neuhoff

Oh, for the love and goodness of summer slow! We’re playing a lot and having a blast, so today I give you a few link loves to send around. But first, a quote from G.K. Chesterton:

“It is easier to be heavy. It is hard to be light.”

This is the gift of summer. When Lightness is all around us, and darkness a minimum. Take advantage of the fleeting Gift, seize the Moment of Slow Days. Practice the Art of Not Doing Too Much whenever possible. Work when inspired and when you truly must. Do everything outside when you can: nap, eat, write, paint, dance, kiss. Remember that this gift of summer is one that we hope to carry with us throughout the year. Receive it gladly now, it’s yours for the taking.

Unusual Links For the Unconventional Mamas
I’ve always avoided linking out too much, because honestly? I didn’t want to reveal my sources of awesome ideas. Crazy greedy huh? But I’m overcoming the Greedy Monster and am nurturing my Generous Alter-Sister and here are some of my feeble attempts to do so. Be prepared to think and change:

Baking Bread And The Art of Sucking by Kathleen at Project M. I love this post. It just resonated with me, especially because I have since abandoned the pursuit of becoming a good breadmaker. I wasn’t cool with sucking at it so much. But she is absolutely right. And how it gloriously applies in SO many other areas in our lives as well. If not all.

The Purist Trap, or Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be KillJoys I like Ken. He’s about right where I am, even though he’s probably ten steps further away. I’m a Recovering Purist and I love this post. I think there is a Purist in all of us, to which I say the simple easy cure would be Chocolat. Yes, the movie (a must watch for all in my opinion) and the actual yummy treat. Divine.

The Messy Middle
by Jen Lemen. I just found this blog not too long ago, and so many of her writings and words resonated deep down under. I find myself most comfortable in this gracious messy middle, where she writes, “is learning to be present to life, awake and alive to the people I love never before when I was trying to do it all right.” Oh the trueness. Simple basic goodness.

Now back to summer. And all that Lightness.

Telling The Truth – The Beginning of A Thursday Tradition ?

July 15th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity, Nourishing Ourselves, The Sisterhood + All Things Feminine 2 comments

Photo by Saaam

Since I’ve been on this Discovering-My-Authenticity+Art-Bit, I have focused a little too much on embracing our Beauty and Remarkability because, let’s face it, we often don’t. In general, people are more prone to focus on their weakness instead of their strength. We are often more kind to others than to ourselves. And I would say especially for women, who are often taking care of everyone else but them.

However.

This Live-Your-Best-Life and Rock-The-World-With-Your-Art Piece is only half truth. The other half of it is that We-Are-Human-And-Messy-And-Prone-To-Fickle-Fantasies-And-Defeating-Maladies-Of-Sort. We are made of both Mud and Glory in equal parts.

In order to overcome The Resistance in our Lives that keeps us from Shining our Lights brightly, we need a dose of BOTH TRUTH. ALL THE TIME. It’s a crazy paradox. If you only hear the GLORY part consistently, you run the danger of appearing to be Annoyingly Arrogant especially to others who often hear most of the MUD part. And vice versa. Most of us are well-versed in one or the other, and very few have made peace with the Resistance by remembering Both all at once, simultaneously. That we are capable of both Awesome and Awful.

I’m on a journey to be more Awesome than Awful. But let’s leave one day to confessing some of the ways that I’ve been Awful. Because it’s still my Truth. And Truth in whatever shape or form, is good.

So here’s to Telling The Truth here at A Nourishing Home. Perhaps the beginning of a Thursday Tradition? You tell me.

*******************

Today’s Truth Telling:

As I’ve been working on my Art and devoting a lot of time on my writing, I’ve been allowing my daughter to watch more shows than I’d like to admit. We rarely turn on the TV but I own an IPad as a gift from my husband (which makes for another story, because I told him I would never buy something like that in a million years and he still got me one!). And my little one has been watching Winnie The Pooh and Thomas the Train on it for about an average of an hour or more a day. In the past, I resort to Ipad-Watching when I am cooking and really need to focus on what I’m doing. But lately, I’ve been writing a lot and when I am still in the middle of writing something and naptime is over, I let her watch shows until I am done with my work.

Does this qualify me for a Bad Mother award? Oh well.

What do you think about Telling The Truth Thursdays? Are you in? By the way, we do lots of playtime outdoors, working on the garden and hanging out on the beach. This is how I justify letting her do the Ipad-Thing. I figured, even I watched A WHOLE LOT OF TV growing up, but I turned out pretty good. Awfully Awesome and Awesomely Awful. Yeah!

Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed and Something Blue

July 15th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Blogging + Writing, Calling + Creativity, Nourishing Ourselves No comments - Tags:

Photo By BookMama

In my other blog, I’m not talking about weddings today. More of like the birth of my new baby and a little bit of transformation with my old one. And I’m not talking about children either. Read more.

Here though, I want to give you a bit of a heads up at the changes you’re going to start seeing at A Nourishing Home. It’s definitely something old, something new, something borrowed, and well, something blue

Something Old
We’ll still be talking about the Old Somethings: nourishing ourselves, tips for a more nourishing kitchen, nourishing our families and ways towards a more nourishing lifestyle. We’ll still be focused on Simplicity + Authenticity + Creativity + Generosity. Because these are the things that matter. The Ageless Stuff. The Everyday Eternal. And because mothers rule the world.

Something New
But I’m throwing in Something New. The New Me, which isn’t really new because it’s still Me except it is my New Sorta Remarkable Self who has found her Art. And oh boy, can I tell you what a difference it makes? Work is no longer work, and Creating is my new everyday high. Art that is liberated from Ivy League Education and Elite Art Schools, Self-Absorbed Self-Expression and Expensive Hobbies. Instead, Art that provides True Value for the Right People, and forces you to live from Authenticity. We’re bringing this Art, my Art here at A Nourishing Home. Have you already noticed?

Something Borrowed
Before my Art, I was a pretty self-contained blogger. I rarely linked out to other blogs. And that’s because I saw Others as Competition. Ridiculously wicked, isn’t it? That’s what happens without Art. But now I can easily find the Genius in Others and I am all for telling you about it! If you are making Art, I will tell the world with sincere Love. Because it’s worth-telling.

Something Blue
Blue represents our intellect. So I’ll be focusing on mind-work. Thoughts that cloud and confuse us, especially as mothers and nurturers of our family. There are a lot of junky messages we have accepted as true, not necessarily as a system of belief but in the ways we live and make everyday choices. We are often on brain autopilot and we rarely test the validity of our thoughts. But we must and we will. Your joy and that of your family depends on it. Starting here.

Specifics?

  • I won’t be giving you 10 ways to do something kind of article, unless absolutely critically necessary. Instead, I’ll give you insights on how to come up with your own 10 ways of doing something. Because you truly already have the answer. 
  • I won’t be giving you bullet points, unless absolutely critically necessary like right now. Because some of you may not think in the  Abstract as I do. Which is all good, but thinking in the Abstract has a place in making Art. And so does Bullet Points, but only rarely. 
  • I won’t be sharing recipes, or laundry soap detergent, or tips on how to grow your garden. It’s not my thing. Truly. There are TONS of information like these on the web. But very few deliver them as ART. Wanna know why The Pioneer Womanis so successful? Everyday Cooking is one of her Art and Genius. And she has learned to combine it with Awesome Pictures and Funny Vulnerable Storytelling (both her Art as well.)
  • I will be writing about Misguided Beliefs and Thoughts we have about ourselves and about Motherhood that need dire liberation. 
  • Finally, I won’t be posting on a schedule. I’ll post when I have something worthwhile to say.  I might have something to say in the next hour. Or the next day. Or the next week. But in the meantime, I’ll be working on my Art instead of using my Blog as a Distraction or a Place of Pure Self-Expression. It it brings you value and it brings me joy, I’ll write something here. 

Are you still with me? I hope so. Are you a fellow Mom-Artst? Or maybe someone struggling to get your Creative Back? Have you dabbled with your Art but Motherhood (or something else) got in the way?

A New Project Is Dying To Be Born: For Moms Who Are Ready To Make Their Art

July 14th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Nourishing Ourselves 2 comments - Tags: ,

Photo By RSKoon

Oh my. I am unmasking. And there is no turning back.

Today, I am letting you in my new baby in the making. I mean, it is truly still raw and in process but because I trust you that you trust me, and because I care about the moms who read this and wrestle with wanting to do what you love (meaning) + stay at home with your children (motherhood) + earn a living (money). Because it’s too important to hoard + complicate. Stuff like this needs to be shared.

A sneak peak at my new project that has been dying to be born in the last few months. The change that has been tugging and pulling at my heart and forcefully expanding my soul towards courage and risk.

I present: (click on the image below)

I would love your thoughts, and comments and full-blown love if you can send it my way. And in return, I promise to send you ten times and more as I work on my Art that is specially created with You in mind.