Christmas, My Version


Photo By Powi


Last week was quite packed, starting with a full blown Snowcalypse here in Seattle and ending with a Thanksgiving weekend full of personal drama whose details I shall mercifully spare you from. I will however, disclose how I attempted to divert myself from the said personal drama: a trip to the movie theatre, alone. Ah, yes. I bundled up, hopped on the bus downtown and splurged $6 for the first showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.

While this post is not intended as a movie review of any sort, I have to say that I was a little bit disappointed after watching this one. Whether it’s because it is the next to the final instalment of a very very long series or whether it’s because there is so much left out from the book or whether it’s because I was going through the said personal drama while watching the film, one can only guess. (Or maybe it’s because I was all alone? No matter. I digress.)

But suffice to say that this film has gotten me thinking deeply about Christmas and what it used to represent to me and what it means to me now. 

Sometimes, we hold the Form dearer than the Substance. The Text that brings us the Essence of What is True becomes more important. The Spirit gets buried in the words and the verses and all the meaning we assign, or fail to assign to them. 

The story alone of the Babe in the Manger no longer has a literal hold on my heart. Perhaps I’ve heard it too many times. I need it retold differently. Or perhaps I simply need new ears to hear. Or both.

And as crazy as this sounds, thinking of Harry Potter is drawing me to explore Advent and Christmas in ways I never have. I am drawn to read the entire HP series all over again for the month of December. I’m hoping to read this book for my Advent Meditation, A Child in The Winter: Advent, Christmas and Epiphany. I hope to light a candle every night to express my desire to fully live out this Light in me. And I hope to meditate on the one word this month that I believe captures what Christmas is truly all about: Love.

Christmas, I suspect, is really about Light. And Light, is really about Life. And Life, is really about, Love. And to be honest, I’ve sort of become a stranger to this word. At least to the true essence of it.

Anything that captures this Child of Light, haunts me and speaks a mysterious Truth in my heart. That Light has found its way through the Darkness, that Peace has come and dwelt among the suspicious and hardened hearts of Men. That all the Goodness we are looking for, all the Hope we seek…is already ours. Because this Light, this Life, this Love has made a Home right here. In our hearts. Where we keep our insecurities, anxieties, fears, disappointments, and pain as if they rule and shape our identity, our being.

I have a knack for seeing the Dark in me more than what Shines Brightly. I say yes to Fear more than I do to this Force that is Kind and Patient and Forever Above All Things.

And so this Christmas, may I believe once more that the Light and the Life and the Love has already Incarnated in me and that everyday is Incarnating most especially in my beautiful messy life.

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  1. says

    I appreciate hearing where you are at, especially since I can relate to some extent. I saw HP 7 as well, but didn’t think to connect it with this Advent season. Some of what you describe, though, seems similar to what I’ve been feeling for a while too. Yet I remain more convinced of the truth than ever (at least intellectually) through studying John and Isaiah.

    Still, many things in my life are amiss. After many months of wishing, I finally checked out and started reading Acedia & Me, by Kathleen Norris. It’s been a relief to discover more about my condition via the experiences and striking insights she shares. You might enjoy reading the book too.
    Julia´s last blog post ..Recipe for Homemade Cranberry Sauce with Maple Syrup

  2. says

    Thank you so much for this post. I’ve recently been lucky enough to find your blog and have felt truly blessed by your reflections. I’ve been looking for perspectives on modern life and mothering that go a little deeper and have found that and more in what I’ve read so far on your blog.

    Your post inspired me to check out information on A Child In Winter on Amazon. It looked so perfect for where I’m at in my motherhood and faith journey, recently a little lost and bewildered, that I immediately downloaded it onto my Kindle. Since then, I’ve been daily blessed by the Advent reflections.

    You know how sometimes you come across something that you could never have quite put your finger on but knew you were looking for in some way? That is a bit how I am feeling about finding your posts and reading my new book.

    So, in two words: Thank you!
    Beth´s last blog post ..Who was I before I was a speck

  3. Vina Barham says

    @Julia, Hi Julia. I might have to check out the Acadia and Me. It sounds like something I would enjoy reading. Thank you so much for the recommendation.

  4. Vina Barham says

    @Beth, Beth, Welcome. I’m glad you found my blog and am blessed to have you here. I am so glad that A Child in Winter is speaking to where you are at. I totally understand discovering something you didn’t realize you were looking for. It happens to me all the time! :) Warmly, Vina

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