I know what you’re thinking. Sort of. Well, at least when it comes to my blog. Yes, I admit. I can be a total flake. Or just another gal struggling to honestly live my life. It’s really about perspective, eh.
When I look at my Archive Page, which I hope to update soon, it’s sort of fascinating that my # of blog posts went for a nosedive immediately following my Revolution Fail. If you’ve been following me for awhile, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Some of you have expressed disappointment and I don’t blame you for not coming back to visit here anymore. Although I do wish you would because I do miss having evidence that I am not alone in this journey. Is that too selfish of a reason?
For those of you who still come by, bless your heart for sticking around. I have to admit that I am prone to blog/personal identity crises of sorts, not to mention being so open about my messy life issues which of course affect my home life which of course affect what I write about on this blog. I wish I could separate them neatly, with one not quite affecting the other but that’s not how I work. But then again, perhaps that’s what draws you here.
I can’t imagine my blog having any kind of significance in anyone’s life. I can only hope to be helpful sometimes and at the most empathetic to my dear beloved readers. I am still amazed that I do have readers. I really have no reason to write here without you. There is no writer without a reader. My deepest thanks. Oh so deep.
Those who don’t blog will never fully understand those of us who are drawn to make it a part of our life’s work and perhaps especially those of us who choose to be public about stuff you can’t even bring up with your circle of friends. I don’t know if I fully understand it either, but I keep coming back to it even when a part of me just wants to leave it all behind.
The connections I’ve made here with truly kindred spirits have been more than what I could ask for. Some people dismiss these connections simply because they were made “online” instead of “face-to-face” and I suppose it’s really a matter of how you define connectedness. Not that I know how to define that. Except for those rare times when my heart feels fully embraced and accepted. That’s connection right there.
And here in this blog is where I’ve disclosed a lot of what’s in my heart. The good and the bad. The sort of lovely and downright ugly. But then you, dear friends, keep coming back with words and thoughts that encourage and enlighten and empower. (Hmmm. Yes. I’ve made more than just connections and gained more than just readers. Because of this blog, I’ve made some friends.)
Here in this blog, is a home of sorts. A place for velveteen mamas who don’t want to pretend to be more or less than who they are. Who are such beautiful contradictions of leading and failing revolutions in one breath. Who take courageous steps forwards and honest fearful leaps back. Who believe and doubt and trust and question and love and bare it all. Who are drawn to explore and wander and wonder and delight and dig deep and embrace and welcome and mourn and dance and make space and show up and hide sometimes.
I don’t really have any promises for what’s to come in 2011. I just know I’ll keep writing here. I might attempt future revolutions and call them something different and I might fail again. Whatever. But I can only write about my own journey and give voice to my own story in hopes that by doing so, I can be just a little bit closer to living my life more authentically, experiencing Divine Love more fully, and connecting to soul-friends around the world more freely.
My Warmest Thoughts,