Oy. Thanksgiving is over. And I’m so glad.
I had to wait until everyone had their merry time before I feel like I can post this. I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s festive mood.
See, it turns out that I’m a Thanksgiving Scrooge as much as I am a Halloween one. And it took oh, I don’t know, about a dozen of Thanksgiving celebrations to figure that one out.
And I think the surface-ish reason is as simple as this: I didn’t grow up with either holidays. So I really just don’t give a damn. It’s not like I can only be thankful on one day and not the other 364 days of the year. Plus, I don’t even like turkey. Sorry.
What I also dislike a lot is the hype that goes with every holiday. There’s so much build up to the actual event it’s like there needs to be a holiday just to prepare for the holiday. Sigh.
Which is part of the reason why I was quiet all week. I really didn’t want to talk about Gratitude because it feels like it’s what I’m supposed to talk about. And I rebel so much against that. Everyday ought to be a Thanksgiving Day anyway, right?
It feels contrived. And I don’t like contrived.
Next year, I think we’re just going to join our fellow Thanksgiving Scrooges and head to Chinatown for a more fitting lunch. Maybe eat-all-you-can-hot-pot? Yum.
:: Pause ::
And don’t even get me started on Black Friday. The idea literally makes me sick.
But you know what? If that is what other people’s version of a good time is, who am I to stand in the way? Except, it’s a really really sad indication of our culture.
Here’s the American Thanksgiving and Black Friday Message in a nutshell: Be thankful for everything you have own. And then go out there and get more stuff to be thankful for.
God Help Us All.
:: Pause ::
I wonder why I’m always especially depressed during the holidays. No, seriously. It’s depressing just to think about my depression. Especially now that I am a mama and I want my little girl to have amazing memories of our family.
It could be that it is so gloomy and rainy in Seattle for the most part of the year. (Note to self: get thee a happy light ASAP!)
It could be that all the celebrations here in America are just so removed from the holidays I celebrated growing up.
(I celebrated Independence Day in June not in July, and it was Philippine Independence from America.)
It could be that I’m just a hopeless dysfunctional person who over-thinks everything. Sometimes, I think I belong in a psychiatric ward. On my better days, a convent perhaps.
:: Pause ::
Now, I’ve been learning over the past year or so to embrace who I am. Wholly. All the parts, including this part of me that gets all gloomy and depressed over the holidays. I’ve been learning that there is a good reason for most everything. I don’t want to cure it right away. I want to understand it and grow from it and transform it when it’s ready.
And so I share all this without shame. I don’t need a pity party. Nor do I have a need to mask it or minimize it so as to make it more palatable for your reading consumption.
It is what it is. I think holidays in America suck.
:: Pause ::
I’m not saying that people who celebrate holidays in America suck. I’m just saying they suck for me. And I want to get down to the bottom of it.
:: Pause ::
I’ve been slowly reading material on Waldorf education and one thing that has captured my heart is its reverence for festivals and celebrations year round to mark not just the passing of time, but to honor the seasons and the stories of Life and Creation. I so want to do that for my daughter, for my family and for myself. But I feel lost. I honestly don’t know how to celebrate any holidays. My heart feels hollow with just the mere thought of them.
:: Pause ::
Diving deep feels really hard some days. Does it really matter? Should I just opt for the surface happiness that is readily available at the click of the remote or even better, with a spoonful of a sweet dessert? Maybe I should just get busy and do something, anything to distract whatever it is that is causing this seemingly misplaced upset.
And especially not during Christmas please! It’s the most wonderful time of the year. Right?
:: Pause ::
What happened to my Pursuit of Pleasure? I really don’t know. But I can’t force this, whatever this is, to go away without facing it.
Maybe I’m on the path to Wholeness. Where Pleasure is there in the midst of Pain somehow. And that in embracing both, I’m a step closer to becoming who I truly am.
:: The End ::
Oh Vina. How is it possible for us to have so much in common?
I struggle with holidays, too. I’m a total scrooge over every holiday, including Mother’s Day and Valentine’s Day. It all feels so (as you put it) contrived. And I was just talking about a lot of these things with my husband the other day. We were talking about whether we should even put the Christmas tree up this year because it kind of feels like a waste of time. We’ll just have to take it down again in a few weeks. A this point, while Lydia’s still an infant, it really doesn’t make a difference to anyone whether or not there’s a decorated tree in the house. We’re not buying her or each other gifts, because that also feels like a waste of time and money.
Like you, I feel American holidays suck. But like you, I’m drawn to the idea of festivals and celebrations and honoring “the seasons and the stories of Life and Creation.” A part of me really wants Lydia to experience the magic of holidays and festivals, to experience family traditions. But most of the traditions we have in this culture are lame, materialistic, and empty of meaning. But the birth of Christ seems worth celebrating (although at the same time, I think Easter and Pentecost should get at least as much attention, if not more, because Jesus’ birth is only important in light of his death, resurrection, and the coming of the Holy Spirit). It sounds like you might be suggesting that there’s value in such celebrations as the solstices, which I’ve also considered.
So we’re working through these things, too. You’re not alone. While everyone on Facebook is getting excited to break out the eggnog and tree ornaments and declaring that the best time of the year is upon us, I’m struggling with “Is there really a point to any of this?”
OK, now that I’ve got that out of the way, I want to share some random holiday things that I’ve come across recently. First, this quote from Jon Stewart. Are you familiar with it? “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” So poignant, no?
Also, I came across the first Christmas song/video that didn’t make my teeth hurt with its cliches and overall tackiness. I don’t know if it appeals to you at all, but here’s a link. Check it out? http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Qf6OoAZbAQg
As always, thanks for sharing!
Kathleen Quiring | Project M´s last [type] ..Celebrating Singleness
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 9:53 pm
@Kathleen Quiring | Project M, Hi Kathleen! Thank you so much for commiserating.
It feels very comforting to know I am not alone in this. It’s tough, no? I had to laugh at that quote from Jon Stewart. Oh my. So true. Thanks for sharing that video! The kids are soo cute! I’m glad the video does not make your teeth hurt from gritting it (I totally know what you mean!!!) I may be farther down the road and am not sure when I can resume to listening to Hillsongs again. 
[Reply]
I loved reading this post! I actually love celebrating many holidays (a hand full of American, seasonal, Christian, Jewish, and Muslim ones) It’s a huge part of how I think about the year for myself and child. BUT, someone I did not grow up with is the biggest holiday man of them all – Santa. I grew up with jesus, Jesus, JESUS! And my husband grew up with snow fairies, forest elves and the like (his parents live in a commune and talk to trees.) So we are pretty much the only ones we know who are already telling our 3 year old, “Santa isn’t real. He was a man that lived a long time ago that gave presents to children who didn’t have anything. WE are the Santa’s in the world.” (Veggie Tales St. Nicholas helped us come up with that idea.) Everyone thinks we are total Scrooge’s
I just tell them, “You should be thankful, my kid is the one who is going to ruin it for your kid in a few years at school one day. Someone has to tell the masses the truth.”
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
@Christa, Wow…what Jewish and Muslim holidays do you celebrate? Soo curious! And how interesting how your husband grew up. Commune? Wow. We aren’t about Santa either. My daughter couldn’t care less…:) And I love the idea of us being the Santa’s in the world….
[Reply]
“Honor seasons and stories of Life and Creation”….I like this. Mainly because my husband I are determined to be a celebratory family, especially when we have kids. My parents became less and less so, and it drove me nuts when I realized how many memories and community aspects I missed out on.
Becca´s last [type] ..A Children’s Story…….or REALITY! (dun dun dunnnnnnnn)
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:06 pm
@Becca, hi Becca! You have a head start in figuring out your celebrations as a family then! I wish I tried to sort it out before having kids, but here we are!
[Reply]
I used to have a really hard time with Thanksgiving. Two years in a row the two different men I was dating chose that day of the year to break off our relationship(s). The next year I isolated myself from everyone that I knew to avoid similar heartbreak. This year I started feeling thankful for no known reason several weeks before Thanksgiving hit, and I clung to it with ever fiber of my being even as the next crisis hit our family and self-sacrifice seemed the only way out of it. So a few days before Thanksgiving I was able to say with confidence that I was thankful to be able to be thankful. In the midst of everything we were experiencing I was, and still am feeling like somehow God is meeting us in the midst of it, and I am thankful. It was a strange Thanksgiving in many ways. We purchased our meal rather than making it all from scratch, but it opened more time to spend enjoying family and making other things with our hands. I’m not exactly sure what my point is with sharing this with you except to say this: figure out what you value in each holiday and focus on that. For us this year Thanksgiving was about time with family…time that seems fleeting at the moment. We questioned whether we “needed” to have turkey, but it was deemed important by one family member, so we decided to buy it in order to have the best of both worlds – a happy family member AND the time to enjoy that family member. I don’t know whether we will do it again next year the way we did this year or not.
Christmas for me is ALL about Jesus’ Birthday. That is what I focus on celebrating with my children. We talk about that all the time as we set up our tree and decorations, make His Birthday Cake, sing songs, and read stories. The other pieces – gifts, and even Santa refer back to Jesus.
So I guess that’s what I recommend = make it your own, but don’t give up the celebration all together.
KDL´s last [type] ..Book Review – the show-and-tell lion
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:08 pm
@KDL, Thanks for sharing! I think you are right, it’s about figuring out what matters to me, us as a family and it’s not the easiest thing being in a season of uncertainty when it comes to my faith and values…I appreciate what you shared though and for taking the time to do so!
[Reply]
I agree with some of what you said, you may be surprised to know.
Let’s discuss when we get together next! 
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:09 pm
@Susannah Park, Yes! Let’s discuss!!! I’ll email you about Thursday!
[Reply]
I know exactly what you mean about not understanding the point of our holidays that we celebrate. I have always LOVED holidays, but this past year I have started to feel that the true meanings have gotten somewhat lost – for me, and maybe many, other people. This led my curious mind to start researching the roots of some of our holidays. I still really love the familiarity of the traditions, and the precious family time, and now I am trying to wrap my mind around meaning as well. Through historical understanding of where these holidays and traditions came from, and putting purposeful ritual into these days, I hope I can create a sacred space in which to celebrate, enjoy loved ones, and feel a connection with the divine. That connection may happen for me, through a special concentration of gratitude on Thanksgiving, or a walking meditation through nature during a Solstice festival.
I think I will always love celebrations, but I do want to find more ways to understand why I am doing what I am doing, and keep whatever meanings I come to, alive through purposeful intention.
I hope you come to a place you feel comfortable with…diving deep is sometimes very tiring, but I think eventually we come up with amazing stuff! Good luck!
P.S. Didn’t see you today at the Interfaith Church. Too bad you couldn’t make it. It would be neat to meet you!
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
November 28th, 2011 at 5:11 pm
@Vanessa, Oh Vanessa thank you for sharing!!! Yes, I too hope that i can create “sacred space in which to celebrate…” I want to love celebrations and I want it to come from an authentic place in my life, and in my family’s but it’s hard to sort that out….thank you! It feels good to have other people be in a similar journey!
PS I am so sad I missed Interfaith Church! But I’m really shooting to go sometime soon! I would be thrilled to meet you too!
[Reply]
Vina – I worked at a Jewish Reggio Emilia preschool for 4 years so not a jewish holiday goes by that I don’t think about.
I still sing the songs in my head all year long! The 2 holidays I actually celebrate are Rosh Hashanna which is the new year (Sept) and the first night of hanukkah (dec.) Judaism tells a story that God started creation on Rosh hashanna, so it’s celebrated as the birthday of the world. We make a round apple cake and sing happy birthday to the world, and let the wind blow out the candles.
For the the first night of hanukkah, we play dreidal and have fried latkas and homemade, fried donuts. It’s all about cooking in oil, light, candles, and celebration of god’s provision. (And its’ the only time in the year I cook in oil, so that is a celebration point especially for my hubby.)
In college while I was taking all of my Islamic classes, I fasted Ramadan twice with the muslims I knew. I don’t do the full fast now, but I always remember it and try to find a way to participate somehow. Celebrate is the wrong word for Ramadan (kind of like Lent), but prayer or meditation or fasting in someway or study or some type of practice like that is what I do.
[Reply]
I just want to say that I love what you’ve shared, and agree that Thanksgiving has turned sour in our American Culture. Black Friday? No thank you. It’s crazy!
We do not teach our kids to believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny or any other holiday icons. We have explained what they are and why people like to pretend about them, but thankfully neither my husband or I grew up believing in such things.
As for Holidays, I love them for the mere goal of gathering with extended family. I have a huge extended family, and it’s the one time we all set aside to visit each other.
Holli´s last [type] ..A Tower of Crackers
[Reply]
Vina Barham Reply:
December 9th, 2011 at 11:16 am
@Holli, Hi Holly! Thanks for dropping in! I really don’t get Black Friday at all.
Anyway, we might be in the same boat about Santa and the Easter Bunny. I’m not entirely sure, I’m still formulating my beliefs about a lot of the spirituality in holidays because well, my spirituality is upside down right now.
[Reply]