Category: Nourishing Moms

One Simple Powerful Technique That Can Change Your Life

August 30th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Wellness + Self-Care 2 comments

Photo By Martin Labar

If you haven’t yet, hop on over at Simple Mom and read an awesome post from one of my favorite Mommy-Wellness bloggers: Lisa Byrne. She writes today about a simple and powerful technique that has changed the way I approach nurturing my well-being. It’s simply this:

To produce better fruit, focus on the roots.

For me, this means being observant and aware of the fruits I’m producing in my life, so I can dig deep and figure out what’s not working at the root level. First, I have to pay attention to how I’m feeling and all the surface-level stuff that’s going on in my life. Second, I look at the big picture of my life and figure out what’s really going within.

Example: Yesterday, we had a big social gathering we committed to and deep down and for some reason, I really didn’t want to go. I ignored this signal and at the end of the day, I was crabby and had a temper with a fuse as short as an eyelash. Had I taken the time to be attentive to the signals I was getting from my body and my spirit, I would have paused and figured out that a couple of days before, my daughter was sick and needed a lot of TLC day and night. I was exhausted and I didn’t get my usual weekend alone time that is really the primary fuel I need to be a Good Mama, let alone a Functional one. Because it was one of those gatherings that we could easily have missed without any epic consequences, my family would have been better served and I would have been a much more pleasant person, had I taken the time to care for myself.

I’d like to rephrase Lisa’s tip this way: To be life-giving, pay attention to the fruits you are producing and take care of the roots with great care.

By the way, I just wanted to remind you again of Lisa’s upcoming online course, Designed For Wellness, . Check it out and pass on the word if you know someone who might benefit from the class!

How are you paying attention to the fruits you are producing? How are you taking care of the roots that do the growing? If you enjoyed this article, feel free to tweet, share with your Facebook friends or link up! Thank you!

Is Your Work Changing The…Uhm…Hang On A Second

August 25th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity + Vocation No comments

Photo By Eqqman

Last week, I started yet again another series here at A Nourishing Home called, A Nourishing Work series. I really wanted to have just one place to write down about my life at home, and I didn’t want to leave out my adventures in entrepreneurship because I know many moms are in that journey too.

And yet.

I feel like I’m losing focus once again.

A friend of mine left a comment on my Facebook page saying:

Vina, I’m really loving watching you grow your Nourishing Home/Self/Work.

While I basked in her comment, I couldn’t shrug the growing suspicion that my blog is morphing more and more about my own personal life and less about motherhood and family, as captured by the Home/Self/Work part of her comment. I mean, I have been writing more and more about taking care of myself and doing this Work I love but less and less about how I actually have been taking care of my home and my family.

Hmmmm.

And part of what I am learning in this entpreneurship gig is to have a laser-like focus on everything I am doing and producing. And this blog IS part of one of my business plans. And I really need to start treating it like a business, more than a hobby. Which means being more strategic thinking on my part.

Which is freakin’ harder than I thought.

So hang in there with me while I sort things out. I really want this blog to be a place for life-giving strategies and insights for mindful moms. I want this blog to be a source of valuable information on creating and maintaining a nourishing home for every person in our household as well as practical inspiration on ways we can also be households that impact our communities and the world in a positive way. It’s just that I have other passions I am so wanting to share with you, it’s hard to hold back. I might just have to find another place for those rockin’ ideas. Or I might have to retire this blog altogether.

I hate to be having this blog identity crisis in public like this, but I can’t have it anywhere else. And when I come out at the other end, you will be the benefactor of important lessons learned. Because what else do I do but share them with you?

A Course for Moms and Their Well-Being, Finally!

August 23rd, 2010 · Vina Barham · Nourishing Moms, Wellness + Self-Care No comments - Tags: designed for wellness

Pink Sherbet Photography

I never really deeply understood how important it was to truly take care of oneself, until I became mom. Suddenly, somebody else’s well-being depended on me! And just like that, my own need to be well and whole became much much more obvious. I’ve said it before and I will say it again:

We can’t give what we don’t have.

And as mothers, we really need to drill this in, let it sink deep down until it’s firmly rooted in our hearts and minds.

That we need to put ourselves first.

Not in a self-centered way. But in a life-giving way. Life must first flow in us before Life can flow out. Physical Life. Mental Life. Emotional Life. Spiritual Life. LIFE.

But how do we do that? How do we put our well-being first when the demands of young children, marriage, home management and career weigh down on us from all directions?

Well. Here’s what I think we would need to make that happen:

A trusted mentor or a coach to help us approach our wellness in a holistic way, so we can arrive at an integrated solution towards our well-being.
A community of moms who share the desire to live within our design for wellness.
A set of practical tools we can use in our everyday lifestyle to make small and sustainable changes towards optimal well-being.

One of my favorite mom-bloggers, Lisa Byrne, over at The Well-Grounded Life, understands how important it is for every mom to fill up her well from the inside out. And based on her background in the health sciences, nutrition and most importantly her experience as am other of two young ones, she has put together a course called, Designed For Wellness, that provides all of the above.

It’s a 12 week online, multimedia course that takes a completely holistic approach to nutrition and wellness, which means you’ll focus on how all the areas of your life are connected. You’ll get the fundamentals of excellent health down by learning skills to understand what your body needs and how to best feed it and care for it. And most of all, you will not be expected to check out of your life in order to make these shifts. As a mom, you need concrete and practical tools that fit into your lifestyle as it is. This course will deliver an uncomplicated process that allows you to bring in major change at your own pace and in ways that fit you best.

If I had the knowledge and background as Lisa does, I would put together a course like this because I know that many many many moms, myself included, constantly defer to caring for ourselves last. And most often, it’s not that we intentionally ignore our needs, but somehow, we end up doing so as we care for others we love.

I have take Lisa’s previous free class on Stress Management and I love how she has purposely put together a class with such a flexible format with busy moms in mind. She integrates the different learning styles and incorporates a variety of tools, i.e. handouts, video clips and tele-seminar sessions to maximize learning and interaction. She knows her stuff well, and yet offers a gentle and grounded perspective. She is your gal to walk alongside you in your journey towards a more nourishing health!

Details:

This course will run for 12 weeks, beginning September 18, 2010. Each week you’ll receive course materials in a number of different forms.

A weekly short video,
A weekly live teleclass (that is recorded in case you cannot make the class live),
Weekly materials and worksheets in pdf form,
Ongoing access to a group online forum for you to connect with others, get support and share your experience.

Everything will be designed to fit into a busy lifestyle. Most of us do not have the time to join lengthy audio classes, watch hours of video or read through pages of text. Her videos will be around the 10 minute mark or less, the audio classes will be 30 minutes long, and the pdf material will be streamlined and worksheet styled so you can quickly read through and glean the information you need.

I know everyone is in a different season in their life, but if this is for you, if there is any pull whatsover towards this class, if you have a desire to make a change in your life so that you can go from surviving to thriving, please don’t pass up this opportunity!

Because I believe in Lisa’s program and desire to take the class myself, I want to invite you to consider participating in the class too. Or if you know of a mom who might need this, pass the word and send the link to my post. I also signed up to be an affiliate, which means that if you decide to sign up for this class through this post (by clicking on this link,) I get a bit of cash back love from Lisa as a way to say thanks for my support!

When Homemaking Gets In The Way Of Mothering

August 19th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity + Vocation, Happiness + Growth, Keeping Home 3 comments

I totally forgot to post this yesterday, but I was over at Passionate Homemaking writing as usual, about Focusing On The Essentials. Please visit! It’s my most commented post ever!

I’m also declaring an early weekend for this blog, so until next Monday….

May You Be Nourished Well and Whole!

Is Your Work Changing The World? : Intro to Nourishing Work Series Part I, My Story

August 18th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity + Vocation 2 comments - Tags: Nourishing Work

Photo By Eqqman

I’ve decided to devote Wednesdays to Nourishing Work (as part of a free e-book I am sloooowly working on, Motherhood, Meaning and Money.) You know, doing Work we Love, Work that Changes the World and Work that Changes Us. And of course, Work that Pays too. And handsomely at that. Nourishing Work is where Expression and Mission and Provision hang out with each other all day long. Do you have a work like that? Do you want to?

First, My Story:

For the longest time, way before becoming a mommy, I’ve thought long and hard and deep about what I wanted to do when I grow up. It was bordering obsession actually. I have notebooks upon notebooks of test results, introspection and insights, of dreams and desires. Most people were after happiness and me? I just wanted a True Vocation.

I knew it had something to do with writing and teaching and coaching and helping people. Which is why after college, I jumped at the chance of becoming a missionary. It fit my idealist way of thinking. I truly wanted to change the world, and I thought then that choosing Meaning over Money was The Only Way To Do It. The give-up-everything-you-have type of way.

And I loved it. I loved being in another culture. I loved learning the language. I loved pouring myself into people. I loved having a team. I loved the struggles. I loved growing. Of course I say that all now in retrospect and that I probably also had moments of wanting Something Else. Aaah. The Elusive Something Else.

The thing is, I had the elements of Mission and Expression but was sorely lacking in Provision. Which taught me a great deal about living simply, stuff that still carries over to how I live now. And for awhile, my choices of Vocation always had to do with Mission and Expression and a very laughable Provision, bordering ridiculous. Like the short time I served in Literacy Americorp, when we were given food stamps as part of our stipend because we were required to live on a poverty level. (And I didn’t finish my term NOT because of that, but because I had crazy mental issues, that I shall write about soon. Warming up to it.) Or like the time I worked as a rep for a mission agency, in which I had to raise half of my salary if I wanted to get paid a little bit more than minimum wage. Or like the time I snagged my dream job in which I get to help resettle refugees via volunteer coordination for $15/hr. My best paid job EVER.

After becoming a mom (another kind of Work with laughable Provision), I started to read about entrepreneurship and starting a business from home. I started reading all the books I can borrow from the library. And slowly, I wondered whether my paradigm for Work was lacking. And slowly, I started to question my sorry relationship with money. And at about the same time, my spiritual journey also slowly started to take a different turn. A much different turn from my days as an Evangelical Christian.

(To be continued…)

Pssst! Please visit my new Work With Me page where I will slowly unveil my superpowers! Know someone who might want to work with me? Please pass on the information!

The Art Of Nourishing Eating: Bringing Back Pleasure Into The Kitchen (And Consequently Life)

August 17th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Happiness + Growth, Real Food + Eating Well 3 comments - Tags: pleasure

I’m a minimalist at heart. The walls in our home are white and bare. Our house is sparsely decorated and furnished only with essentials. And my minimalist philosophy is most evident in the kitchen. I tend to be drawn towards doing the bare minimum especially in things that I am NOT good at, cooking being one of them. My approach has been to eat for health and frugality, and if we are able to, for sustainability and justice. Because these are what I have deemed to be of utmost importance.

But lately, I’m slowly coming to a different conclusion. That mindful eating is not enough. There’s something MAJOR that is missing from the picture. And that something major is pleasure.

Consider this:

About 40-60% of our metabolic power at any meal – meaning our ability to digest, assimilate and calorie burn – comes from something called the Cephalic Phase Digestive Response – which is a scientific term for taste, pleasure, aroma, satisfaction, and our visuals of a meal.Which means when we only consider the health and frugal aspects of eating, as well as the sustainability and the justice of it all and leave out what I call the pleasure factors which in turn shapes our subjective experience of eating, we cut down our metabolizing rate by 40-60%. That’s a lot.

Our bodies are not properly conditioned to digest when we are under stress. And your body perceives distraction as stress. So when we are eating while watching T.V. or emailing, the simple act of attending to two stimuli at once lowers our metabolism drastically. When we are cooking and we are under stress (i.e. figuring out what to do with a toddler yanking on your leg), same thing. When we are chowing down our food so we can do the next thing, same thing. When we have stressful conversations over our meals or when our conversations distract us from paying attention to the flavors and delight of our food, same thing.

The Italians certainly know the Art of Soulful Eating. This is part of what the author Elizabeth Gilbert of the book, Eat, Pray and Love discovered went she went to Italy after her divorce (haven’t seen the movie but have read the book awhile back!). They take time to prepare elaborate meals, with antipasti, insalata, primo, secondi and dolci. They eat a meal for a long time with others, enjoying not just the food but the entire experience as well. They welcome wine and laughter and most of all, pleasure to grace their time at the table. An everyday feast to look forward to.

So here’s my desire: that I can truly be a nourishing cook, that I can learn how to make really delicious food that smells great, looks great, and tastes great without compromising the health, frugality, sustainability and justice issues that I try to consider.

How’s a culinary-challenged mama supposed to do that? Move to a countryside in Italy (or France)?

Maybe. Maybe.

Mommy Matters Challenge: How Do You Put Yourself First?

August 16th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity + Vocation, Wellness + Self-Care 4 comments - Tags: mommy matters challenge, velveteen mama

By Adria Richards

It sounds utterly selfish doesn’t it. To ask how you put yourself first. But the fact that we have to ask ourselves this question is telling. Most of us moms, default to the opposite: of putting ourselves last. It sounds noble, after all. And instinctual. Once we cross over the line of birthing another human being, we are entrusted with the daily task of thinking about their well-being and attending to their needs.

BUT it is precisely because of this, that we must constantly ask ourselves this question: How am I putting myself first? Not in a self-absorbed way, but in a healthy life-giving way in which we attend to our own needs and well-being FIRST so we can attend to the needs and well-being of those we love.

Because, after all, we can’t give what we don’t have.

A truth I so often forget, until I have exhausted my resources and I’m forced to take care of myself once again. Part of what it means to be a Velveteen Mama is to admit to our needs and to plan for those needs to get met. Because honestly? No one else will do it for us. So here is the challenge: to daily find a way to put myself first, so I can give well and generously at that.

My goals:

To put myself first by embracing the new mercies of each day and being attuned to the Source and Giver of Life.
To put myself first by eating mindfully and well.
To put myself first by taking the time to get my body moving in a way that brings me joy (like NIA, which is awesome!)
To put myself first by doing what I love everyday: carving out time to read and write and learn about the stuff I am passionate about.
To put myself first by loving what I do everyday: delighting in my daily tasks and making an Art of whatever it is I am doing.
To put myself first by connecting with people who are breathe Life and Joy.

Now it’s your turn. Do you want to join in the Mommy Matters Challenge as part of the Velveteen Mama Tribe? How do YOU put yourself first? I would love to hear!

If you want to show your Velveteen Mama Pride, you can grab the Velveteen Mama button below and paste it on your blog! I’m going to try to figure out Mr. Linky one of these days so fellow bloggers who might want to joint the Mommy Matters Challenge and devote Mondays (or any days of the week) to writing about taking care of ourselves! Much Love, Vina

Truth-Telling Thursday On A Friday: I Just Thought You Should Know

August 13th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Authenticity + Vocation 10 comments - Tags: truth telling

(That’s my foot, and that’s my favorite place in our neighborhood and that’s the best view of Seattle ever.)

So okay. I’m running a little behind. Wordless Wednesday on a Thursday? Truth-Telling Thursday On A Friday? Welcome to the story of my life.

On Blogging

But this is my blog, and I can do whatever I want here because I write for me. Kind of. But then again, this is sort of your blog too, and I write for you. And I am feeling flakey as a blogger these days because to be honest? I don’t know what kind of blogger I want to be. Do I try to be the inspirational kind, the insightful kind, the informational-uber-useful kind, the confessional kind, the non-conformist kind? I’m kinda all of the above I suppose, depending on which day.

Yes, My Many Colored Days. That Awesome and Infinitely Wise Book.

Some Days Are Yellow
Some Days Are Blue
On Different Days
I’m Different Too!

But I know some people SO do not dig that. I mean, who wants unpredictable? Who wants a constantly-changing blog with no particular “focus” whatsover? I mean, nourishing is pretty broad and you can make anything to mean something you want it these days. And really, who cares?

So why am I doing this again? OH yes, I have grand plans of becoming rich and famous online. I kid. I kid. Sort of.

On Mommy-ness Less

Some days I feel like I suck as a mom. Like, seriously. I should be fired from my job or at least get some sort of probation. Of course I’m probably being notoriously hard on myself because most days I know I am enough. But days like today, I mentally anguish over:

never having taken my little girl to the dentist
choosing not to vaccinate
not always winning the brush-your-teeth battle
giving N a little bit too much ice cream, like one a day the past few weeks!
not succeeding at potty-training

Stupid. I know. There are so many more pressing matters. And yet. I obsess.

I Don’t Dig This Full-Time Home-Making Gig

Yup, I don’t. Please don’t tell me I should be grateful that I get to stay at home, because I do, and yet I don’t. I love being a mommy and I love my family to pieces. But this whole stay-at-home mom and full-time-at-work dad model is starting to crumble before my eyes. I hear so much about professionalizing motherhood, but what about fatherhood? I hear of how a father’s job is to love the mother, and I’m like, really? That’s it? And where is this village that is supposedly required to raise a child?

Now my husband is an amazing father, let’s get that straight. But he works so much because the Burden of Provision falls entirely on him. And as a result, he doesn’t get to spend much time with our daughter during work-days. And as for me? I’m all about finding that one magical intersection where Motherhood and Meaning and Money meet and have a party. I’m itching to do my own Remarkable-Entrepreneur thing and unleash my superpowers and am worried sick that admitting to that might possibly kick me out of the Good-Mom Club, forever. And I hate that I care about being part of that club (who runs it anyway?) and yet I want it to be known hitherto that I make every dinners from scratch, still nurse to sleep, mostly buy wooden and nourishing toys, make playdoughs and do Montessori-stuff, don’t spank, nurture my child’s nature and so on and so forth. Yuck.

I am a Mom. I Love. And That’s Enough.

This Thing Called Humanity

And so it goes. The Cycle. Icky-But-Inevitable Cycle. When I tirelessly put my energies into doing the right thing. And then feeling drained and joyless. And then releasing my pent-up anxieties over my inability to be perfect. And then finding Life once again.

I remind myself. This is why this blog is called, A Nourishing Home, and not the Perfect Home. Nourishing is life-giving and it can be both beautiful and messy all at once. Who cares about being right? I’d pick nourishing any day.

Nourishing Rocks.

Which is why you need to subscribe and be a part of this nourishing community of velveteen mamas forever and ever. And so be it.

Written while listening to the Amazing Priscilla Ahn on my IPad, alone in the living room and waiting for my water to boil so I can make tea when I really would rather eat a heapful of ice cream. It’s 10:43 pm. And I should be heading to bed.

The Real Challenge of Motherhood Is This: Growing Up And Keeping Childlike All At Once

August 9th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Happiness + Growth, Mindful + Wholehearted Parenting 3 comments - Tags: balance, motherhood, tension

I’ve talked often about not wanting balance in my life a countless times. And how I would rather learn how to live gracefully with the Tension. (And by tension, I don’t mean stress and chaos. But the kind of tension required on a string of an instrument to make a pitch-perfect note. The right kind and the right amount of pressure applied at the right time.) And one of those Tensions I’m discovering these days is the Tension between growing up and keeping childlike.

Growing Up
To become a parent is to grow up like a million times over. We plunge into this world of Caring For Another Human Being all the while learning to keep our sanity and joy intact. If THIS does not mature us, I don’t know what else will. But often, we get so hung up in being responsible and taking care of our children and protecting them and teaching them all sorts of wonderful things that we forget the other side of the Tension.

Keeping Childlike
In which we reconnect with our curiosity and playfulness and wonder. In which we see the world through our children. In which we slow down considerably and honor our little people by learning from them and becoming like them sometimes. In which messiness and exploration and monotonous repetition are the awesome stuff that life is made of. In which we learn to go back to the simple and the true: that time holds still when you are fully present and in the moment, as your child experiences life this way every single minute of the day.

The ability to know which to way to go and when is an art I want to master. Some days I keep childlike when I ought to be growing up and vice versa. But oh, this is the real challenge of motherhood, isn’t it? May we persist and learn through it well.

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The Ability To Bend Without Breaking

July 26th, 2010 · Vina Barham · Faith + Spirituality, Happiness + Growth, Nourishing Moms No comments - Tags: guest post, passionate homemaking

By ItyDesigns

(I am over at Passionate Homemaking Today! Head on over.)

When I was working as a recruiter for an international mission agency, one of things we emphasize in our training is the ability to go with the flow. To accept the unfamiliar for what it is, to let go of things beyond our control and to accept, no, to embrace the sometimes messy and often chaotic situations that one will inevitably find herself in.

Some call it tolerance. I call it, flexibility: the awesome ability to bend back and forth without breaking. Click here to continue.