Category: Wellness + Self-Care

One Simple Powerful Technique That Can Change Your Life

Photo By Martin Labar

If you haven’t yet, hop on over at Simple Mom and read an awesome post from one of my favorite Mommy-Wellness bloggers: Lisa Byrne. She writes today about a simple and powerful technique that has changed the way I approach nurturing my well-being. It’s simply this:

To produce better fruit, focus on the roots.

For me, this means being observant and aware of the fruits I’m producing in my life, so I can dig deep and figure out what’s not working at the root level. First, I have to pay attention to how I’m feeling and all the surface-level stuff that’s going on in my life. Second, I look at the big picture of my life and figure out what’s really going within.

Example: Yesterday, we had a big social gathering we committed to and deep down and for some reason, I really didn’t want to go. I ignored this signal and at the end of the day, I was crabby and had a temper with a fuse as short as an eyelash. Had I taken the time to be attentive to the signals I was getting from my body and my spirit, I would have paused and figured out that a couple of days before, my daughter was sick and needed a lot of TLC day and night. I was exhausted and I didn’t get my usual weekend alone time that is really the primary fuel I need to be a Good Mama, let alone a Functional one. Because it was one of those gatherings that we could easily have missed without any epic consequences, my family would have been better served and I would have been a much more pleasant person, had I taken the time to care for myself.

I’d like to rephrase Lisa’s tip this way: To be life-giving, pay attention to the fruits you are producing and take care of the roots with great care.

By the way, I just wanted to remind you again of Lisa’s upcoming online course, Designed For Wellness, . Check it out and pass on the word if you know someone who might benefit from the class!

How are you paying attention to the fruits you are producing? How are you taking care of the roots that do the growing? If you enjoyed this article, feel free to tweet, share with your Facebook friends or link up! Thank you!

A Course for Moms and Their Well-Being, Finally!

Pink Sherbet Photography

I never really deeply understood how important it was to truly take care of oneself, until I became mom. Suddenly, somebody else’s well-being depended on me! And just like that, my own need to be well and whole became much much more obvious. I’ve said it before and I will say it again:

We can’t give what we don’t have.

And as mothers, we really need to drill this in, let it sink deep down until it’s firmly rooted in our hearts and minds.

That we need to put ourselves first.

Not in a self-centered way. But in a life-giving way. Life must first flow in us before Life can flow out. Physical Life. Mental Life. Emotional Life. Spiritual Life. LIFE.

But how do we do that? How do we put our well-being first when the demands of young children, marriage, home management and career weigh down on us from all directions?

Well. Here’s what I think we would need to make that happen:

  • A trusted mentor or a coach to help us approach our wellness in a holistic way, so we can arrive at an integrated solution towards our well-being.
  • A community of moms who share the desire to live within our design for wellness.
  • A set of practical tools we can use in our everyday lifestyle to make small and sustainable changes towards optimal well-being.

One of my favorite mom-bloggers, Lisa Byrne, over at The Well-Grounded Life, understands how important it is for every mom to fill up her well from the inside out. And based on her background in the health sciences, nutrition and most importantly her experience as am other of two young ones, she has put together a course called, Designed For Wellness, that provides all of the above.

It’s a 12 week online, multimedia course that takes a completely holistic approach to nutrition and wellness, which means you’ll focus on how all the areas of your life are connected. You’ll get the fundamentals of excellent health down by learning skills to understand what your body needs and how to best feed it and care for it. And most of all, you will not be expected to check out of your life in order to make these shifts. As a mom, you need concrete and practical tools that fit into your lifestyle as it is. This course will deliver an uncomplicated process that allows you to bring in major change at your own pace and in ways that fit you best.

If I had the knowledge and background as Lisa does, I would put together a course like this because I know that many many many moms, myself included, constantly defer to caring for ourselves last. And most often, it’s not that we intentionally ignore our needs, but somehow, we end up doing so as we care for others we love.

I have take Lisa’s previous free class on Stress Management and I love how she has purposely put together a class with such a flexible format with busy moms in mind. She integrates the different learning styles and incorporates a variety of tools, i.e. handouts, video clips and tele-seminar sessions to maximize learning and interaction. She knows her stuff well, and yet offers a gentle and grounded perspective. She is your gal to walk alongside you in your journey towards a more nourishing health!

Details:

This course will run for 12 weeks, beginning September 18, 2010. Each week you’ll receive course materials in a number of different forms.

  • A weekly short video,
  • A weekly live teleclass (that is recorded in case you cannot make the class live),
  • Weekly materials and worksheets in pdf form,
  • Ongoing access to a group online forum for you to connect with others, get support and share your experience.

Everything will be designed to fit into a busy lifestyle. Most of us do not have the time to join lengthy audio classes, watch hours of video or read through pages of text. Her videos will be around the 10 minute mark or less, the audio classes will be 30 minutes long, and the pdf material will be streamlined and worksheet styled so you can quickly read through and glean the information you need.

I know everyone is in a different season in their life, but if this is for you, if there is any pull whatsover towards this class, if you have a desire to make a change in your life so that you can go from surviving to thriving, please don’t pass up this opportunity!

Because I believe in Lisa’s program and desire to take the class myself, I want to invite you to consider participating in the class too. Or if you know of a mom who might need this, pass the word and send the link to my post. I also signed up to be an affiliate, which means that if you decide to sign up for this class through this post (by clicking on this link,) I get a bit of cash back love from Lisa as a way to say thanks for my support!

Mommy Matters Challenge: How Do You Put Yourself First?

 

By Adria Richards

 It sounds utterly selfish doesn’t it. To ask how you put yourself first. But the fact that we have to ask ourselves this question is telling. Most of us moms, default to the opposite: of putting ourselves last. It sounds noble, after all. And instinctual. Once we cross over the line of birthing another human being, we are entrusted with the daily task of thinking about their well-being and attending to their needs.

BUT it is precisely because of this, that we must constantly ask ourselves this question: How am I putting myself first? Not in a self-absorbed way, but in a healthy life-giving way in which we attend to our own needs and well-being FIRST so we can attend to the needs and well-being of those we love.

Because, after all, we can’t give what we don’t have.

A truth I so often forget, until I have exhausted my resources and I’m forced to take care of myself once again. Part of what it means to be a Velveteen Mama is to admit to our needs and to plan for those needs to get met. Because honestly? No one else will do it for us. So here is the challenge: to daily find a way to put myself first, so I can give well and generously at that.

My goals:

  •  To put myself first by embracing the new mercies of each day and being attuned to the Source and Giver of Life.
  • To put myself first by eating mindfully and well. 
  • To put myself first by taking the time to get my body moving in a way that brings me joy (like NIA, which is awesome!)
  • To put myself first by doing what I love everyday: carving out time to read and write and learn about the stuff I am passionate about.
  • To put myself first by loving what I do everyday: delighting in my daily tasks and making an Art of whatever it is I am doing.
  • To put myself first by connecting with people who are breathe Life and Joy.

Now it’s your turn. Do you want to join in the Mommy Matters Challenge as part of the Velveteen Mama Tribe? How do YOU put yourself first? I would love to hear! 

If you want to show your Velveteen Mama Pride, you can grab the Velveteen Mama button below and paste it on your blog! I’m going to try to figure out Mr. Linky one of these days so fellow bloggers who might want to joint the Mommy Matters Challenge and devote Mondays (or any days of the week) to writing about taking care of ourselves! Much Love, Vina

On Resting

 

Photo Courtesy of Princess Cy

I was sick this weekend. And I was forced to rest more than I normally would. Which is a good thing. But then I thought, why don’t I do this every week? Why do I feel like I have to cram so many things in my weekend? Somehow I think more necessarily translates to fuller. 

And so I’ve been thinking about rest. How rest is a gift. A very gracious gift by our Creator, who knows us so well to anticipate a need to build in a day for rest.

But what is rest? What does it mean to rest?

Before, I viewed rest, particularly the practice of observing the Sabbath in the Christian tradition, as reserving a day for spiritual rest.  It’s a day when most Christians gather together in one place and affirm their collective faith in God through songs and reading of God’s word and sharing of food and stories.  But to be quite honest, my experience of this as of late has not been, well, restful, physically or emotionally. My family hurries to make it at 10 am, meanwhile I worry that my little toddler is missing her usual naptime.  Our church is also a pretty small church that meets in a pizza joint where we share a yummy meal of pizza and salad afterwards, and being the extreme introvert that I am, I am just too darn tired and exhausted to socialize, after having an entire week of constantly extroverting my energies to keep up with my little Energizer Bunny girl. My experience of church has totally changed after becoming a mother.

So today I skipped church. And perhaps because I am sick, I feel much rested than had I gone instead. But I was wondering if there was another reason.

******

I realize that rest means different things to different people. And depending on our season in life, rest can look totally different from what we are used to.  

As a stay-at-home mom who is always “on” what it feels like 24/7 a day, rest for me right now means having time completely alone to myself. This kind of rest is simply as essential to me as air. The kind of rest that I am oh so enjoying right now. I am in bed while writing this post, with my heart still and my soul grateful for all that is Life. I rest in the solitude and in the quiet.  In this state, I am able to rest my whole self – body, mind, soul and heart. 

I don’t have a neat conclusion for today’s post. It’s a wondering and wandering sort of day  for me. Because that’s what resting does to you – it makes space for all that wonderful kind of openness so we can perceive things a little differently, perhaps with more clarity than what we’ve hoped for. And it makes you want to hold on to this Rest, to this Quiet and Strength you desperately need. But you let go, trusting that It will be there again, another day.

The Early To Bed, Early To Rise Myth

Photo Courtesy of Yannell

It’s common knowledge among personal development experts that one must become an early riser to win in life. And since most people who are successful confess to being early morning risers, we then accept this as true for everyone. But is it?

Perhaps instead of looking at the  mighty successful early risers who have been shaped by cultural influences (or perhaps vice versa), we would do well to look at the most untouched and least influenced by expectations and culture, out of all of us: our babies.

Our Babies As Models for Natural Sleep Patterns

My little one, no matter what time she goes to bed, wakes up at 6 AM with a perky smile, ready to play. I’ve tried to put her down later in hopes of getting more snooze in the morning, but it just doesn’t work. Her body knows how much sleep it needs and when to get it best, and so 6 AM it is. Meanwhile, some babies wake up at a gloriously later time, like at 9 AM. They are just not yet ready for bed around the time most babies are expected to sleep. Oh, I am so jealous.

Our babies, left to their own  natural preference of when to get their sleep best, will do so. Unless we train them to do otherwise, their bodies will tell them to rest when they need to rest, and to be active when they are ready for it.

When Natural Sleep Patterns Collide with the Rest of the World

I am NOT a morning person. I actually do my best thinking and writing sometime late at night. But because my little toddler is, I have no choice but to adapt. And so I wake up in the morning with a coffee in hand (I am actually trying to wean myself off from coffee, but that’s another post for another time). I stagger through the morning desperately trying to find the energy to match my daughter’s, but I’m just not fully functioning until after her naptime in the afternoon. Even when I go to bed at a time earlier for my liking.

And so for many of us as well. We need to get to work by 7 AM and so have no choice but to go to bed early so we can have a decent night’s sleep. But then given the freedom, we will most likely sleep in on weekends because it’s our body’s most  natural or circadian rhythm pattern for wakefulness and sleeping.

The RUB

For those of us who are not morning people, too often we are chastised for a habit that is nothing more than a natural response to our body’s inner clock. (There is an actual term for this “morningness” or “eveningness” and even a mid-range or neutral,  I learned. It’s called Chronotype.  Read more here.) We often view the folks who like to “sleep in” as lazy or just undisciplined. Although that could be true, it’s an unfair judgment for those who have tried their best to work with the standard sleeping time in our culture that is not in keeping with their body’s preference.

Not only that, but we often don’t design our life around our natural sleeping pattern. Most of us have jobs that start at 9 am or even earlier. Few of us have the luxury of being able to choose the hours that fit our circadian rhythm.

Some Unconventional Solutions

1. Get the sleep you need.

This is where the conventional wisdom of sleeping early comes in: If you have no choice but wake up earlier than your body would like to, then you do need to sleep early to get the sleep you need. Most of us get that. But something that has also worked for me, is that I sleep in shifts. I sleep with my daughter when she goes down for bed and then I wake up around midnight to do some writing. Then around 3 am, I go down again for a short nap. I’ve learned from my little girl’s newborn days that I didn’t need continuous sleep as long as I get 8 hours in one day, and that each sleep duration lasts more than 45 minutes.

2. Do the most important work when you are at your best.

Some folks recommend doing the work you dislike the most when you have the most energy. But I say, why waste it? If you are not a morning person and you have some freedom to schedule your work around the day, then try to do your most important work when you have the most energy. Not necessarily the most urgent. Simple Mom has a timely post today on Fighting the Tyranny of the Urgent at Home that addresses that. Personally, I do my writing late at night, when I somehow am thinking rather clearly. My second best chunk of time is in the afternoon, so that is when I do a lot of fun stuff with my daugther. This is also the time I am at my best to hang out with, so I have to consciously guard my afternoon weekends with my spouse.

3. Figure out creative ways to do work when you are not quite fully awake.

One of the things I like to do with my daughter in the morning is go out for long walks. This way, I don’t have to shell out as much emotional energy that I do not yet have but we can still  have enjoyable time together. Plus the fresh air helps my lack of energy. I also do my mindless chores during this time, like laundry and some light cleaning, with her playing beside me. I am usually on autopilot and do not need to be engaged in the task I am doing. I like to put on my upbeat music as well to cheer up the mood.

Do What’s Best for You

To wrap up, while most of us do benefit greatly from going early to bed and waking up early, some of us don’t. We really  need to be aware of individual differences in all things and make space, big and small, for those. Don’t feel guilty for how God made you, learn to work with yourself the best way you can, and most of all, just sleep.

Be Kind To Yourself

Photo by BigGolf

Parenting is hard. But then, we make it doubly harder by comparing ourselves to others, having incredibly high expectations for ourselves, and kicking ourselves in the butt for all the things we fail to do, all the things we are not.

Question: would I ever tell another mother to do all these crazy counter-productive things I just mentioned? Would I tell another mom, hey you, how come you didn’t knit your baby a blanket, or hey you should just try harder, or why can’t you stick to your weekly menu and cook decent meals for your family every night, what in the world is wrong with you?

Uhm. No.

Most often, we show a lot of empathy to another mom. And kindness.

We say, oh that’s ok. You’re doing your best.

Now if I can only say that to myself. For the many times I don’t quite pull it together.

Because parenting is already hard.

So please, be kind to yourself