This Motherhood Gig is Absolutely Insanely Blessed. And Righteously Crazy.

Every time I get to kiss my little girl’s boo-boo (of which she loves to recount over and over how she got it), or nurse her to sleep at night or hold her precious little hands as we go on yet another walk , I wonder how long the joy will last. Because there’s too much, and my teeny weary heart is not used to the amounts of love that goes through it each day. And it almost hurts.

Because of her.

I wonder…how is it possible that I can love this much? 

And would this love be enough? 

And is love really, hands-down, the only thing needed ?

And whether at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how organized and clean our house is, or how delicious and healthy our dinner is, or how well-planned and elaborate our play and activities are…

if she didn’t feel loved?

And then I wonder, if motherhood is a whole lot simpler than we make it out to be? 

And how really useless it is to worry ourselves to death with so much,

when all motherhood asks for us…

is to mother with our whole heart? 

And then I wonder…

To what end, really, is this motherhood gig for? 

I mean, of course it’s about watching and praying and hoping and loving your children to growth and maturity and….then they leave and go. And all of a sudden, our whole-hearted loving is no longer central in their lives.

And so I wonder. 

Is this motherhood gig, in all its absolute insanity and blessedness delight, a gift not just for my children, but uhm, for me?

To teach me how to love…whole-heartedly?  

May it be so.

What about you? What are some things you wonder about motherhood?

Editor’s Note: This was originally published in February 2010. As part of me figuring out where to take this blog, I’m looking back to how it all started. I’m really thinking through the future of A Nourishing Home, so please bear with me. Hope you all had a lovely weekend like we did!

The other day, I was reading a lovely post by Jamie at Steady Mom on raising strong-willed children and it made me think about the Goodness of Fit theory and why it matters.

What is Goodness of Fit?
Here is the official definition, taken from the book, Goodness of Fit: Clinical Applications, From Infancy through Adult Life:

“Goodness of Fit results when the properties of the environment and its expectations and demands are in accord with the organism’s own capacities, characteristics and style of behaving. When consonance between organism and environment is present, optimal development in a progressive direction is possible.”

Okay, now in everyday terms:

Most parents have this intuitive sense of providing the best environment for their child. For example, new parents set up the nursery before the baby comes and try to make it as lovely as possible. We read books, scores of books and get ourselves ready for the task of caring for a new child. We even go to classes, talk to other moms, get all the baby gear we think we need (and most of them we actually dont’!) So it doesn’t seem like a topic we need to be reminded of, since it’s something we are inclined to do without even trying.

What it isn’t: Providing the “Perfect Environment”

The problem is that these days, it translates to exposing our infants to Baby Einstein, to Gymboree Classes, to strollers hooked with MP3 players and speakers for a much more soothing ride, ridiculous expensive shoes before they even learn to walk, and so much more. It’s easy to laugh at these attempts, but in one way or another, most of us find it a hard inclination to overcome. And underneath the surface, all it means is that parents want what is best for their children.

But We Miss One Big Simple Point

One of the things this theory boils down to that I want to focus on today, is to nurture your child’s nature. Your child has to be the starting point. Because your child, although impressionable, comes with his/her own innate “capacities, characteristics and style of behaving.” The environment, meanwhile, is something that we can shape to an extent. And that environment includes US, mainly, our attitudes and expectations for our children.

My Experience

As a new mom, I remember many times that I’ve had to apologize for my little girl when I shouldn’t have to. That she is somewhat cautious and reserved towards strangers. That she takes awhile time to feel safe and familiar in a new environment. That she is very attached to mom and finds comfort primarily when I am near her. But this is part of who she is, and by apologizing for her, I am invalidating her essence instead of celebrating the gift of who she is. Her cautious and reserved nature is a wonderful quality to have and when nourished rightly, will be a gift to many. Her cautious and reserved nature is much needed in this world of the hasty and the extroverted. Her cautious and reserved nature is not worse or better, just different from what we often extol.

And so I’m learning that as a mother, perhaps one of the most important tasks I have is to nurture my daughter’s nature. To truly embrace her for who she is and give her the space to fully grow into the person she is supposed to be. Not who I want her to be. I am perhaps a pretty major chunk of that environment that will have to adjust attitudes and expectations every so often so that her natural God-given strengths can fully flourish.

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Photo By Tozzer577

This was originally posted in February 2010. As part of me figuring out where to take this blog, I’m looking back to how it all started.

There so many sites out there with a lot of nifty advice on how to get organized. There are so many gadgets out there that promise to make our life more organized. There are even classes to teach us how to be better organized.

Not to belittle the value of these organizational helps, but why is that?

Because we simply have too much _______ (fill in the blank). We have too much to do, too many emails in our inbox, too many clothes, too many books, too many whatever else.

The Simple Way
The answer is not more organization. The answer is not more, whatever. The answer is less.

• Own less clothes and you won’t need anything but a rack, hangers and a simple dresser.
• Own less things in your house and you won’t need to always be downsizing or finding places to put your stuff in.
• Own less paperwork and you won’t be needing filing gadgets galore, cute as they come now.
• Own less kitchen gizmos and knick-knacks and you won’t be needing to learn how to make them all fit in your cupboards.
• Own less books, DVDs, whatever media you fancy and you won’t be needing to catalogue or buy containers to store them in.

If less is too vague, then ask yourself, what are the things you truly need and what are the things you can truly do without? The answer will surprise you.

How We Are Doing
We live in a three-bedroom townhouse and we try to keep our place as uncluttered and simple as we could. We rarely buy new clothes (except for our growing toddler). I usually borrow books from the library. We watch movies from Apple TV or online. We mostly recycle 90% of what comes in the mail. I don’t buy cosmetic stuff. We just have the basic necessities for the most part. We don’t subscribe to magazines. We try to only buy what we really need when we go to IKEA. We just don’t buy a whole lot of stuff. Most of the time. Perhaps it’s just our personality, we’re just both pretty frugal. There is one thing we are trying to be better with: baby stuff. Before we had her, we were able to use our one-car garage for parking our car, but now it has tons and tons of baby clothes parked there instead. But then again, we might have a second child, and a third, so it’s all good.

If you find it hard to let go of stuff, maybe it’s a sign to examine your life. What are you holding on to? What makes you buy more? What do you think you will lose if you let go? Next week, I’ll address these questions and share my own journey of living on less.

Here is our Menu Plan for the week:

Monday

• Breakfast: Homemade Granola with Yogurt
• Lunch: Turkey Sandwich on Sourdough Bread and Sugar Snap Peas
• Dinner: Roasted Chicken with Red Onions and Prunes, Roasted Potatoes and Summer Salad
• Snacks: Rice Cakes with Peanut Butter

Tuesday

• Breakfast: Egg and Sausage Burrito
• Lunch:  Chicken Salad Sandwich + Kombucha
• Dinner: Chicken Tacos and Black Bean & Corn Salad
• Snacks: Carrot Cookies

Wednesday

• Breakfast: Hearty Muffins + Strawberry Kefir
• Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Bacon
• Dinner: Creamy Salmon Bake + Green Bean Casserole
• Snacks: Kale Chips

Thursday

• Breakfast: Coconut Pancakes + Blueberry Smoothie
• Lunch: Sardine Melt on Sourdough Bread + Kombucha
• Dinner: Mac N Cheese with Brown Rice Pasta + Meatballs (with Liver) + Salad
• Snacks: Oatmeal + Peanut Butter Cookie

Photo By Martin Labar

If you haven’t yet, hop on over at Simple Mom and read an awesome post from one of my favorite Mommy-Wellness bloggers: Lisa Byrne. She writes today about a simple and powerful technique that has changed the way I approach nurturing my well-being. It’s simply this:

To produce better fruit, focus on the roots.

For me, this means being observant and aware of the fruits I’m producing in my life, so I can dig deep and figure out what’s not working at the root level. First, I have to pay attention to how I’m feeling and all the surface-level stuff that’s going on in my life. Second, I look at the big picture of my life and figure out what’s really going within.

Example: Yesterday, we had a big social gathering we committed to and deep down and for some reason, I really didn’t want to go. I ignored this signal and at the end of the day, I was crabby and had a temper with a fuse as short as an eyelash. Had I taken the time to be attentive to the signals I was getting from my body and my spirit, I would have paused and figured out that a couple of days before, my daughter was sick and needed a lot of TLC day and night. I was exhausted and I didn’t get my usual weekend alone time that is really the primary fuel I need to be a Good Mama, let alone a Functional one. Because it was one of those gatherings that we could easily have missed without any epic consequences, my family would have been better served and I would have been a much more pleasant person, had I taken the time to care for myself.

I’d like to rephrase Lisa’s tip this way: To be life-giving, pay attention to the fruits you are producing and take care of the roots with great care.

By the way, I just wanted to remind you again of Lisa’s upcoming online course, Designed For Wellness, . Check it out and pass on the word if you know someone who might benefit from the class!

How are you paying attention to the fruits you are producing? How are you taking care of the roots that do the growing? If you enjoyed this article, feel free to tweet, share with your Facebook friends or link up! Thank you!

Photo By Purple Matt Fish

I’ve always wondered why I hear so few mama bloggers write about their marriage and..sex. And I still do. Why is that?

I love talking about marriage and thinking about the different ways men and women relate and operate. And I love to dissect the psychology behind two people coming together intimately and faithfully forever and ever. My heart breaks over marriage on the rocks, about to break into a million pieces. The idea of marriage simply blows my mind away.

I always hear my pastor say that marriage is hard. And perhaps being that he is a marriage counselor as well, I am sure he has solid basis for that statement. But I think marriage is both hard and easy, and it just depends on where you both are in the journey. There are seasons when the dance flows much more smoother, and there are seasons you just want to sit it out altogether.

On a good day, I am married to a perfectly flawed man, whose strengths fill me up with gratitude and joy and whose weaknesses endear him to me even more. On a bad day, I can only see the argument and frustration and nothing else. Thankfully, we are learning how to have way way more good days than bad days. Staying married, and happily at that, is an art and skill after all.

So here are my top reading list for the week when it comes to love, marriage and…sex. Hope you all have a white-hot weekend (wink wink!)

My 5th Year Wedding Anniversary by Beth Stedman.
Beth is one of those people I instantly connected with after reading only a few posts on her blog. She lives in Prague with her hubby and kiddo, got married in Italy, makes her own Gelato, teaches Yoga and thinks of God as a she sometimes. Can we be friends in real life, please? Anyway, as part of celebrating her 5th year wedding anniversary, she has been devoting her blog to the topic of marriage this whole month. I thought that was awesome. I’m going to have to do that when it’s my turn for our 5th year next year!

Five Marriage Tips And One Life Lesson by Kathleen Quiring at Project M. Kathleen is also one of those kindred spirits and this is one of my favorite posts of hers because it summarizes perfectly many of my thoughts when it comes to marriage! As part of celebrating her 5th year wedding anniversary, she writes five marriage tips she has learned the past five years. I really can’t choose a favorite because I love them all!

Man Up/Woman Up: How To Have Curl Your Toes Sex by Dr. Corey Allan at A Simple Marriage. I love Corey’s no-nonsense approach to marriage. I also love how passionate he is about putting 100% into it. My favorite quote: “Marriage is more about becoming a better human than it is about the two people being happy. And when you keep things simple, you can experience more in marriage and life.” I’m all for simplicity and focusing on the essentials!

Now it’s your turn. How’s your marriage? I’d love to hear! And if you liked this article, kindly tweet to your tribe or your facebook friends? Thank you so much!

Photo Courtesy of Orange Acid

This was originally posted Jan. 27, 2010. As part of me figuring out where to take this blog, I’m looking back to how it all started.

Attachment Parenting Advocates get a lot of flack for getting too attached to their kiddos. And rightly so, because their babes are attached to their breasts and beds far too long that the parents find themselves and their identities deeply entangled with their children.

Okay, okay, so this is not true about all Attachment Parenting fanatics fans. But it certainly is true for me.

Yes, she is 18 months old and yes she is still nursing and yes she still sleeps right next to me. And yes, we are oh-so-very attached.

Call the parenting police quick, because my child will never learn to be independent and her mama is too attached to let go and find a real day job.

But here’s a question. What if this was the way to go, and we highly independent Americans got it wrong? What if independence is not what matters most ? What if it was about being attached, being connected to what is life-giving and nourishing ? What if we left it at the pursuit of Life and did away with the liberty and happiness part?

These days, we devalue attachment so much because it scares the hell out of us. Because it demands our vulnerability. Because it is so risky. Because we will care too darn much. Because we might lose ourselves. Because there is the possibility of being rejected, hurt, betrayed.

And so we love our independence. We think independence IS the key to Life. But I disagree. Maybe it is the key to liberty and happiness, but Life, not so much.

I watched Avatar recently with my husband, and while I didn’t agree with the entire premise of the story, the idea of our interconnectedness with Life struck a chord with me. That we don’t live as a one-man island, that our narratives are intertwined with each other, with the events in history and nature.

If your goal is Life, Attachment is key. If your goal is simply to be “free” and “happy,” then knock yourself out on being independent.

My desire for my daughter is nothing less than Life, with a big old capital L. I want her to know that Life doesn’t necessarily mean “freedom” or “happiness.” She may or may not experience those things in ways she wants, all the time. But she can experience Life by becoming attached to the Source. Right now she is learning that mama and papa are her life-giving sources. And when she is old enough, I hope she gets connected to Jesus, who is the Ultimate Life-Giving source, the human face and expression of God, by whom all Livings things were created and in whom all Living things hold together.

I’m not saying that every one ought to sleep with their little ones or nurse their babies until forever. All I’m saying is, independence is overrated. Don’t skimp on nourishing attachments. What else is Life but that?

Did you enjoy this article? Would you kindly spread the word, tweet it to your tribe or share it with your facebook friends? Thank you so much!

Photo By Eqqman

Last week, I started yet again another series here at A Nourishing Home called, A Nourishing Work series. I really wanted to have just one place to write down about my life at home, and I didn’t want to leave out my adventures in entrepreneurship because I know many moms are in that journey too.

And yet.

I feel like I’m losing focus once again.

A friend of mine left a comment on my Facebook page saying:

Vina, I’m really loving watching you grow your Nourishing Home/Self/Work.

While I basked in her comment, I couldn’t shrug the growing suspicion that my blog is morphing more and more about my own personal life and less about motherhood and family, as captured by the Home/Self/Work part of her comment. I mean, I have been writing more and more about taking care of myself and doing this Work I love but less and less about how I actually have been taking care of my home and my family.

Hmmmm.

And part of what I am learning in this entpreneurship gig is to have a laser-like focus on everything I am doing and producing. And this blog IS part of one of my business plans. And I really need to start treating it like a business, more than a hobby. Which means being more strategic thinking on my part.

Which is freakin’ harder than I thought.

So hang in there with me while I sort things out. I really want this blog to be a place for life-giving strategies and insights for mindful moms. I want this blog to be a source of valuable information on creating and maintaining a nourishing home for every person in our household as well as practical inspiration on ways we can also be households that impact our communities and the world in a positive way. It’s just that I have other passions I am so wanting to share with you, it’s hard to hold back. I might just have to find another place for those rockin’ ideas. Or I might have to retire this blog altogether.

I hate to be having this blog identity crisis in public like this, but I can’t have it anywhere else. And when I come out at the other end, you will be the benefactor of important lessons learned. Because what else do I do but share them with you?

Photo By Bernat

Let me first put it on the table that I am MUCH more opinionated on this blog than I am in real life. For many reasons, one being that you have chosen to come to this blog to read what I have to say about stuff. And two, well, I get to think through what I am going to say as compared to real life, where I often end up with my foot in my mouth.

Just thought I’d get that off my chest.

Now back to gluten. Gloriously gluey gluten.

It seems that it’s all the rage these days. I often come across gluten free pizza, cookies, and whatever else you can think of. Not only are they ridiculously way more expensive but it seems like it’s the “in” thing to do. I’ve bought a gluten-free something before without really understanding what the heck is so wrong with gluten anyway. Out of curiosity, and well, yes, the desire to be “in.”

I’ve read of other real food bloggers explanation regarding their decision to go gluten-free and it didn’t really resonate with me until I came across a few books that I started to put two and two together. I’m slow like that. (And I’m proud of it.)

So now that I finally get it, I had to quickly make a decision that Life is Better Off Without Gluten. The question is, could I and my family truly live without it?

First: What The Heck Is Gluten Anyway?

Taken from the Primal Body Primal Mind Blog:

Gluten (the Latin word for “glue”), is a substance found in numerous grains such as wheat (durum, semolina, spelt, kamut, rye,  triticale and barley).  It is typically present in oats, too, due mainly to modern processing methods.  What is called “gluten” is actually made up of two proteins: gliadin and glutenin, which make up at least 80% of the protein content in most grains.  Used in baking it gives bread dough its elasticity and baked goods their fluffiness and chewiness.  It is also used as an additive and stabilizing agent in innumerable processed foods and personal care products.  Insanely, gluten is nearly everywhere.  Laws do not require its labeling on all products so the consumer is left to judge for themselves whether gluten may be an additive or not.

And Why Is It So Bad For You?

Many people associate Gluten-Free Diets with Celiac Disease without understanding that the consequences of gluten sensitivity can be quite debilitating even for the rest of us. Gluten may in fact be the silent culprit in many health challenges that millions of Americans face today. In the book, Dangerous Grains: Why Gluten Cereal Grains May Be Hazardous To Your Health, authors Braly and Hoggan claim that gluten sensitivity (GS) is at the root of a proportion of cases of cancer, auto-immune disorders, neurological and psychiatric conditions and liver disease. The implication is that the heavily wheat-based western diet of bread, cereals, pastries, pasta – is actually making millions of people sick.

Want some evidence?

• A 2002 review paper in the New England Journal of Medicine (Jan 17; 346(3):180-188) found that fully 55 diseases are known to be caused by gluten.  These partly include heart disease, cancer, nearly all autoimmune diseases, osteoporosis, irritable bowel syndrome, as well as many common psychiatric illnesses, partly including anxiety issues, ADD, depression, dementia, schizophrenia, Hashimoto’s (autoimune thyroid disorders), migraines, epilepsy, Parkinson’s, ALS, neuropathies (having normal EMG), and most other degenerative neurological disorders, as well as Autism, which is technically an autoimmune brain disorder.
• A study published in 2009 in the peer reviewed journal, Gastroenterology (July;137(1):88-93) compared 10,000 available blood samples from individuals 50 years ago to 10,000 people today and found that there has been a 400% increase in the incidence of full blown celiac disease.
• The book, Dangerous Grains, contains more than a dozen case histories of people who have recovered from a wide variety of chronic conditions – back pain, chronic fatigue, the auto-immune disorder lupus – simply by following a gluten-free diet. Both authors claim great personal benefits from such a change. “After eliminating gluten grains,” writes Hoggan, “I realized how uncomfortable and chronically ill I had been for most of my life.”

And here’s the kicker: gluten-containing grains have exorphins which are morphine-like compounds that make them quite addictive. I mean seriously, how many of us stop at just ONE slice of fresh-baked bread?

Side note: Isn’t also interesting that wheat is highly subsidized by the government?

Anyway.

While most Asians and Africans are rarely diagnosed as with Celiac Disease, I suspect that gluten might be one of the other factors in my continuous struggle with insomnia, anemia, bloating, fatigue, and depression. I am way better now than before, after cutting out sugar and switching to a more traditional diet that is high in protein and good fats, but I still eat way too much gluten containing grains. I mean, what is life with croissants?

So is this Good-bye Gluten? Hello Paleo-Diet?

Sort of. I’m not saying good-bye to all grains because let’s face it, I’m a rice-lover and will always be. Plus, my body is probably designed for rice  being that I am from the Philippines. So for now, I think we’re going to give gluten-free a try. If gluten-grains are potentially dangerous for my overall well-being, why even bother ? Besides, that means I don’t need to learn how to make sourdough bread ever.

Oh gluten. LIfe is sounding better off without you already.

Pink Sherbet Photography

I never really deeply understood how important it was to truly take care of oneself, until I became mom. Suddenly, somebody else’s well-being depended on me! And just like that, my own need to be well and whole became much much more obvious. I’ve said it before and I will say it again:

We can’t give what we don’t have.

And as mothers, we really need to drill this in, let it sink deep down until it’s firmly rooted in our hearts and minds.

That we need to put ourselves first.

Not in a self-centered way. But in a life-giving way. Life must first flow in us before Life can flow out. Physical Life. Mental Life. Emotional Life. Spiritual Life. LIFE.

But how do we do that? How do we put our well-being first when the demands of young children, marriage, home management and career weigh down on us from all directions?

Well. Here’s what I think we would need to make that happen:

• A trusted mentor or a coach to help us approach our wellness in a holistic way, so we can arrive at an integrated solution towards our well-being.
• A community of moms who share the desire to live within our design for wellness.
• A set of practical tools we can use in our everyday lifestyle to make small and sustainable changes towards optimal well-being.

One of my favorite mom-bloggers, Lisa Byrne, over at The Well-Grounded Life, understands how important it is for every mom to fill up her well from the inside out. And based on her background in the health sciences, nutrition and most importantly her experience as am other of two young ones, she has put together a course called, Designed For Wellness, that provides all of the above.

It’s a 12 week online, multimedia course that takes a completely holistic approach to nutrition and wellness, which means you’ll focus on how all the areas of your life are connected. You’ll get the fundamentals of excellent health down by learning skills to understand what your body needs and how to best feed it and care for it. And most of all, you will not be expected to check out of your life in order to make these shifts. As a mom, you need concrete and practical tools that fit into your lifestyle as it is. This course will deliver an uncomplicated process that allows you to bring in major change at your own pace and in ways that fit you best.

If I had the knowledge and background as Lisa does, I would put together a course like this because I know that many many many moms, myself included, constantly defer to caring for ourselves last. And most often, it’s not that we intentionally ignore our needs, but somehow, we end up doing so as we care for others we love.

I have take Lisa’s previous free class on Stress Management and I love how she has purposely put together a class with such a flexible format with busy moms in mind. She integrates the different learning styles and incorporates a variety of tools, i.e. handouts, video clips and tele-seminar sessions to maximize learning and interaction. She knows her stuff well, and yet offers a gentle and grounded perspective. She is your gal to walk alongside you in your journey towards a more nourishing health!

Details:

This course will run for 12 weeks, beginning September 18, 2010. Each week you’ll receive course materials in a number of different forms.

• A weekly short video,
• A weekly live teleclass (that is recorded in case you cannot make the class live),
• Weekly materials and worksheets in pdf form,
• Ongoing access to a group online forum for you to connect with others, get support and share your experience.

Everything will be designed to fit into a busy lifestyle. Most of us do not have the time to join lengthy audio classes, watch hours of video or read through pages of text. Her videos will be around the 10 minute mark or less, the audio classes will be 30 minutes long, and the pdf material will be streamlined and worksheet styled so you can quickly read through and glean the information you need.

I know everyone is in a different season in their life, but if this is for you, if there is any pull whatsover towards this class, if you have a desire to make a change in your life so that you can go from surviving to thriving, please don’t pass up this opportunity!

Because I believe in Lisa’s program and desire to take the class myself, I want to invite you to consider participating in the class too. Or if you know of a mom who might need this, pass the word and send the link to my post. I also signed up to be an affiliate, which means that if you decide to sign up for this class through this post (by clicking on this link,) I get a bit of cash back love from Lisa as a way to say thanks for my support!