Photo By Two Stout Monks
Ever had one of those days when the ONLY thing you wanted for yourself was five minutes of quiet, even if it was just the kind of quiet inside your head, but even THAT was too much to ask?
Today was almost one of those. I was near the brink of exploding, like a massive science experiment gone wrong. KABOOM! But I didn’t. Instead, my husband took my little girl out on walk right after dinner and I had a wonderful 30 minutes to myself. It really didn’t matter what I did. As soon as they were out the door, I changed into the most comfortable pajamas I could find, hung out in bed and wrote. It was glorious.
It’s been building up inside me, and hadn’t realized it. Things have been changing around our house, along with Spring truly finally showing up here in Seattle. We’ve had a couple of big events that ate up most of our weekends. My daughter’s sleeping schedule had changed (she started sleeping later, with the sun!) and she’s been going through a lot of transitional/developmental mess it seems. And I hadn’t kept up. I, who’s generally good at rolling with the punches, was stuck. Our routine was working so well for me, but now? Not so much. Not enough Me-time in all of these. But I was so slow to admit that because it took so long for us to figure out that wonderful routine, and now we have to say good-bye to it?
Many years ago, I’ve heard somewhere how the way to make decisions was to choose best over good. Simple Mom wrote about it last year. And I find myself nodding my head and agreeing to the idea. It did sound like the better way of exercising our choices when it comes to the big things in life, on who to marry and what kind of work to do, whether or not I stay home with my daughter, and more. But when it comes to the everyday things, the more mundane decisions, it just doesn’t hold up water for me. I have an overall idea of how to best live life (that changes quite often!), but my everyday choices don’t seem to practically work out within this best-good framework. And I tried to figure out why.
And in part, I think is owing to my right brain being in charge of my life for the most part. Right brain: holistic, intuitive, random, subjective, emotional. Oh, I’ve tried to be more logical, more analytic, more sequential, more objective. But the glove just doesn’t fit. In theory, it might be BEST to live a more left-brain life and be able to break down my decisions into more definable good-better continuum. I can already see it now. My new-and-improved life, better and more manageable. But would that be better over living out my real self, of living authentically, warts and all, of offering the right-brain way of life to the ones I love, and to the world? See how things get complicated already?
And while we are on complicating things, how about throwing in the idea of personal development? That perhaps I need to work on integrating my left-brain more so I can be more well-rounded? More balanced kind of person? See where this is going? Yah, me neither. 
My point is that, I don’t really know the point to this post, yet. Sure, I’ll edit at the end, but my title keeps changing. It’s just my style. I live life to discover it. To discover me. Some will hall it haphazard. Almost reckless. But this is how I approach life for the most part. And this is also how I get myself in trouble. (Like not anticipating the changes and getting hit hard by the time I finally get it!). But this is also how I get myself in the path of grace, beauty, adventure, risks, learning, and wisdom that is learned not by reading advice, but by making mistakes on my own.
We all have something to contribute to this world, and I would venture it starts with simply being ourselves. I’d like to think it’s not about making it big, or making it best. It’s about making it true. At least for me. Yeah.
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