So. Welcome to Mommy Muse Mondays. A day focused on Nourishing Ourselves. On making space for the Me in the Mother, so we can have more of Our True Selves to give away to the Ones we love. On celebrating both our Strengths and Struggles. On practical insight and honest inspiration to feed your mind, heart and soul without sounding like a Hallmark Card.
Because I am learning that some days I hang my identity onto this Motherhood thing a bit too much. And quickly it engulfs me and before I know it I have lost sight of who I am. Because I am learning that taking care of children is an endless demand on my limited supply of energy and strength and patience and creativity. Because I am learning that I gravitate towards earning the Badge of Selfless and Super Mom Award as if to be able to do Everything Myself and Perfectly at that, is what my family truly needs of me. Because am learning that it is more important to Laugh and be Fully present than to be always Right and Admired. Because I am learning that I alone am responsible for my own joy and growth and yet desperately need a Community of kindred spirits for support, encouragement and lots of loving-kindness vibe.
Is this you, too?
Could you maybe, possibly belong to The Velveteen Mama Tribe? Yes, I’m thinking Velveteen Rabbit, and yes, it’s a tribe for Moms who are in this journey of Becoming Real. Who believe that we must be Wholly and Simply Ourselves if we are to do this Motherhood gig in Joy, and for the long, long haul. Who champion Authentic Mothering, not Perfect Mothering (blech!)
If this is you, leave a comment and let us know what it means for you to be A Velveteen Mama and why it’s important. I’m still working on a Velveteen Mama manifesto and other related Stuff. So if you have some thoughts and insights to share, I’d love to hear about them!
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6 Responses to “Introducing The Velveteen Mama Tribe”
Becoming Whole and Authentic and a Real Mother is summed up for me in this line from today: “Learning that it is more important to Laugh and be Fully present than to be always Right and Admired.” Being Right and Admired usually has to do with me feeling like I need to prove myself to those outside my kindred spirit circle. More often than not in mothering, it has to do with my house being cleaner or having a child who is sleeping through the night or other expectations that come from somewhere outside of me – even if I don’t have a problem with the way I’m doing it. How annoying is that! I’d love to just let go of those expectations!
Thanks for sharing Christa! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels the same way. But I wonder, could there be more than just a few of us? Is this something more universally shared by moms, but few of us talk about it? And why is that?
It’s hard to recover all of who you “were” on this side of labor, with a (four month old, in my case) baby, a full-time job (thank you, hubby, for being the stay-at-home-dad), and a lame attempt at a social life (our neighbors rock). Motherhood has changed everything, leaving me questioning who I am (I’d like to take the plunge and become a freelance designer so I can work from home), and looking forward to where I’m going (I love watching my son grow and change each month). That said, I still can’t do it all on my own. Community, support, and kindred interest are the only thing that can keep me going some days.
I’ve come to realize I can’t live up to everyone’s standards. Like Christa above, I’ve begun to realize I need to stop being concerned with outside expectations (my son doesn’t sleep through the night and he sleeps in our bed … oh no!); I’ve come to be concerned about what works in my home with my family that both glorifies God and holds us together. If it goes against the grain a little, that’s okay. I’m getting enough sleep and who doesn’t like waking up to baby smiles?
on August 16th, 2010 at 12:09 am #
[...] my resources and I’m forced to take care of myself once again. Part of what it means to be a Velveteen Mama is to admit to our needs and to plan for those needs to get met. Because honestly? No one else will [...]
I’m not a mama, so I can’t really be a part of this tribe, but I just wanted to write in and let you know that I think this is a beautiful and fabulous idea. I imagine you’re probably right about everything you’ve said here. And I just love your use of the word “velveteen.” Quirky and lovely.
Kathleen Quiring | Project M´s last blog ..Five Marriage Tips and One Life Lesson
Kathleen! Thanks for the comment – I value it so much coming from you, mama or not! Thank you thank you thank you.