There Is No Fail. Just Another Way of Growing Up And Returning To Ourselves.

March 15, 2012 By 4 Comments

You know that trick question of, what would you do if you couldn’t fail?

Well, it’s not a trick question.

Because the truth is, there is no fail.

Fail is just another construct in our black/white + good/bad dichotomy we’ve inherited by way of childhood, religious dogma or cultural conditioning. It started maybe from when we learned the word “uh-oh” in our childhood days, when we spilled yet again another glass of milk, or when we yet again soiled our undies simply because we were not yet ready. This sense of shame from not doing something quite…perfectly.

And as I type those words, I nurse a twinge of sadness and regret that I’ve had my share of perpetuating this harmful divide of the pysche in my daughter. Although I consider myself to be conscious and progressive in my mothering, I still have wounds. I still react. I still have lapses in taking great care of myself so I can take great care of those I love. I still have my stuff that spills out in my everyday parenting. And I grieve it.

:: Pause ::

The last week or so, I’ve been somewhat stressed out with my upcoming schedule. As I shared before, I have my Nia White Belt coming up, which means I would be away from my daughter for a total of 8 days (broken up within two long weekends). I’ve never been away from her for more than 3 hours at a time! I also started my Wise Woman Leadership Program today, which is on Mondays and Wednesdays at 10 AM PST and for an hour this morning, I was struggling with letting my little girl watch a movie and not being able to pay attention to the tele-class. I also have a couple of blog set-up and design projects I’m working on, although thank goodness one is almost completely done! On top of all that, my diet has sort of gone a little downhill too. I’ve mindlessly consumed sugar, refined flour and junkfood – stuff I usually don’t even have in my house to begin with because I am trying to heal my gut and keep my Candida at bay, if not totally eliminate it.

As a result, there have been more days when I’m short with my daughter. And short with myself. I seem to have less tolerance for “mistakes” when I’m not taking care of myself. When the Standard American Diet (SAD) interferes with my rest and sleep, my clarity and conscious thinking. I’ve raised my voice far more than I would like. And I’ve been distracted and not at all Present to Life, to myself and to those I love, most especially my little girl.

::Pause::

It hurts to know that I sometimes teach my daughter what I’m trying to undo in my own life.

But what’s more important is what I do with that hurt.

Do I consider it a failure and beat myself up all over again and keep the cycle going? Or do I consider it a springboard for more growth and consciousness in my life? A rich fertilizer of sorts that is helping rebuild this soil of mine so I can grow deep roots of unconditional love and self-acceptance towards myself and those around me?

There is no fail. All the “mistakes” in our lives are just another way of growing up and returning to who we truly are. And when I embrace that Truth, everything in my life becomes beautiful.

Did you like this article? Would you help me spread this bundle of life-affirming words by sharing it with others? Make it go viral among moms you know, your followers and friends, your blog readers who could use a little encouragement today? And as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. Thank you so much!

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On Feminine Brilliance (Or Why My Blog Is So Hot Pink)

March 12, 2012 By 2 Comments

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So maybe you haven’t noticed my absence from this blog once again, but in case you have, I thought I need some ‘splaining to do.

As you can see, there’s a few changes here on this blog, the most obvious one being that I’ve gone completely Girly. Pink! Cursive! If you think I’m soon going to pull out some ruffles and tutus and other feminine-ish stuff you could imagine, you’re probably right.

From my Year of the Dress Challenge to my Mommy Moontime Confessions, it’s sort of self-evident this direction I’m headed. And with that, where I wanted to this blog to go.

Except if blogs had a mind of their own, mine was stubborn and unyielding. There is so much past and history that just doesn’t jive with my Present and my blog kept wanting to hold on.

To what exactly, I’m not sure. I suppose it was the nostalgia, the sentimental and religious ideas I have of my identity as a mother and a homemaker, and the dream of finally finding my home in that.

But the word Home has started to evolve for me over the last year or so and my identity has magically outgrown the confines of how I used to define it.

It seems to me that nourishing a Home, before it is about family, is about nourishing my own Feminine Self. For this Feminine Body IS my first home, the physical vessel that housed my equally Feminine Soul. (Or maybe my Body is part of my Soul and my Soul is part of my Body all the same? No matter.) The point is, a well-Nourished Family is but an extension, a reflection of a well-Nourished Feminine (and of course a well-Nourished Masculine too, but that is for another post).

And I’ve finally figured out why the hell we have severely malnourished families in this country, if not around the world (drum roll please):

It’s simply that…we have severely malnourished the Feminine.

It’s the worst tragedy to befall humankind and we scarcely noticed.

But there’s a growing Movement, a slow but steady Presence, a kind but firm Voice that keeps pointing us towards the kind of Wisdom we have so long ignored. We are collectively longing for this Wisdom, starved and thirsty for another kind of Truth that transcends Logic, the Written Word and any Established Order of sorts. It’s the kind that we all Possess and are Possessed by. The kind of knowing we have deep in our bones, our bodies and our spirits. The kind that is passed down from one generation to the next through legacy and kin. The kind that is written and etched directly in our hearts.

The kind that is Feminine Brilliance.

The Feminine Brilliance that says…our bodies are our temples. And to nourish our bodies, honor its design and listen to its wisdom is one of the greatest acts of worship we can ever offer.

The Feminine Brilliance that says…our bodies were made to birth and nurture children. And to follow our maternal intuition/primal instincts in how to birth and care for our young is one of the greatest gifts for transformation and spiritual growth if we dare embrace it.

The Feminine Brilliance that says…our bodies know exactly what it needs. And to listen to our bodies when it comes to the kind of food to consume or how much rest it requires on any given day is the simplest thing we can do for ourselves and our children to have healthier and happier lives.

The Feminine Brilliance that says…everything is Connected. And in that Connectedness, we breathe, move, live and find our very Being.

The Feminine Brilliance that brings Harmony and Balance to the Masculine Strength our culture is well-versed in.

::Pause::

I don’t know exactly how I got here. Nor do I really care. Because I’m here Now and really? That’s all that matters. And I have found my new soul purpose here on earth . One that encompasses and transcends what this blog, a nourishing home, was initially about.

I’m here to return to our Feminine Brilliance and help other women, and most especially my daughter, do the same.

How exactly I turn that into a sacred livelihood that makes my heart sing and empowers other women all at once, I have a few ideas. How exactly I work that out in this blog, I don’t know yet. It might be that I have to say good-bye to this blog to start a new one along with a biz that will rock this testosterone-charged world.

Who knows?

I’m taking it one day at a time, heck I’m taking it one moment at a time. And well, hot pink and cursive feel like the most fitting of ways to express my newfound life mission right here, right now.

P.S. I’m starting my Wise Women Leadership Program this week and my Nia White Belt Training next week (eeps!) so don’t expect me to be here on the blog a whole lot. In fact, I think my blogging schedule is about to change drastically – still thinking of the details. Lots and lots of re-imagining my social media platform along with the business I’m forever daydreaming about but I hope we can stay connected. I am on Facebook and Instagram awholelot so maybe I’ll see you there?

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Hello 2012: Coming Home To Presence, Purpose and Pleasure

January 22, 2012 By 10 Comments

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.

And I’m hoping it’s been true for you.

Because it’s been true for me.

I’ve been long gone from this space and I’ve really missed it. And I missed you.

But sometimes, we need to step back to gain perspective and clarity and I’ve been really needing that for awhile now. I just couldn’t keep plugging away without a clear vision and intention for this space. There’s so much that has changed from when I started this blog and I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep going. It’s not exactly the “brand” that captures where I am now and certainly not where I want to take this blog. While I still hold dear to my heart all the things I valued back in the beginning, there has so much that shifted. The context and vision for my mothering and homemaking are now completely different.

That, and there is so much more I want to explore and offer on this blog.

To Re-Brand Or Not To Re-Brand

I’ve been so tempted to “re-brand” and start over.  I’ve been wanting  a new domain and blog name for the longest time  - something that communicates more accurately my vision for this space. There is wisdom in that, especially since I’ve been really wanting to (1) marry my passions around a central theme (2) build a business around  those passions + all that I’m really good at and (3) create a tight-knit community of like-hearted mamas around said theme.

Except a big part of me wants to hold on, to all 309 posts, to all the amazing mamas that make this blog worth coming back to, to all that this blog still means to me.

It’s a dance really. Sort of how I’m dancing in the tension of holding on to some remnants of my childhood faith while letting go of the rest that just don’t work for me anymore. How does one even go about doing that?

But here’s what I’ve come to realize. Everything in this life is always shifting. We’re all in a constant flux, really. Each season on earth comes and goes, just like each season in our lives that brings about something new and lets go of something old.

In many ways, we are all constantly evolving. We’re no different from our children, whose growth is perhaps only more pronounced because they have not yet forgotten how  to live in the Present.  We are growing up as much, even just a little bit every single day.

I’ve also come to realize that I want my new “branding” to evolve organically instead of forcing to birth it on my own time table. My current blog brand (anourishinghome.com) won’t fully capture all of me and all that I want to experience and offer in this Life. But why let that stop me?  Instead, I’m redefining my current “brand” and making it to mean what I what it to mean. For now.

(If I’ve lost you in all that branding verbiage, it’s okay. It will still make sense I promise.)

A Nourishing Home = Coming Home To Our Feminine Essence

Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz says it best, “There is no place like home.” And yet like her, most of us venture far and wide to seek That which we already possess. That place where we have everything we need is here, at Home: the Home we find within ourselves, the Home we came into this world- our Body (and a Feminine one),  the Home we discover in the Gifts with which we can serve the world, the Home we build with our  Family and  the Home we seek among the Sisterhood of like-hearted women around the world. Where we get lost and confused, we’ve strayed away from this Home, the center of our Wisdom and our True Feminine Essence. Home is the intersection of the Divine and the Human that we are all made of, and it is where all our True Longings come from and are magically met.

I want this blog to be a space for women and moms  everywhere who have heard that call to return Home, back to who we Truly are as Women and as Goddesses of sorts. We’ve been on an exile far too long. The world has suffered from our Absence. It’s time to click those Red Shoes, dear Mamas (except you gotta get em out of your back closet first and wear em!). The return Home starts Here, in acknowledging and healing the Wounds,  in embracing all that We Are, and in finally Honoring, Celebrating and Offering our Feminine Essence we’ve so long held back from the world. Here, we will explore all that we are created for as women, daughters, wives, mothers, beginning with Presence, Purpose, and of course Pleasure. Yum Yum.

I want this blog to be A Nourishing Home for us all.

Want to come on this beautiful ride with me and make this our best year evah yet?

Blog Intentions for 2012

So after a long hiatus, I’m back to blogging daily. Yes. That is my commitment. Starting today, I’m here every single day. Even if I’m just sharing a photo or a quote to inspire you to live big, bold and beautiful!

I’m also working on my first e-course to offer on this blog and I’m hoping to hold a women’s circle online where a group of us can pursue our intentions for a life of Presence, Purpose and Pleasure (or whatever your intentions are!) together. I’ve been doing this sort of thing and didn’t realize that I’ve been a coach my whole life – since grade school days! I love inspiring women to live fully and I just sort of got side-tracked when I stopped living mine that way.

SoI wanted to share some things I’m drawn to explore for this year (a year is a mighty long time so know these things might change!) and I’d LOVE for you to tell me which things you are drawn to and why. That would be mighty fabulous of you!

Nourishing Our Feminine Essence

  • I Am Goddess: If you dare, come explore Feminine Spirituality with me! Here, we’ll dive into healing, happiness and health for women. I also want to seek ways to hold on to Jesus, my childhood Companion and Teacher while following Truth wherever it leads me.
  • Rooted and Radiant Sisterhood: This one is all about Sacred Sexy Self-Care For Moms – where we dig into radical self love, except we do it together!!!! I want to share how I self-healed my depression and fatigue and for every mom who feels worn out and burnt out, this one is for you.
  • NIA Notes: I’m on a (looong) journey to become a NIA instructor one day and I want to share my practice of NIA as a recovering dancer. This one is about learning to inhabit our bodies in Presence and Pleasure.
  • Year of the Dress Edition: I’ll explain more but since the start of the year, I’ve been wearing a dress a day (for the most part.) And it’s a challenge I want to extend you all lovelies. I also took a sewing class  a few months ago and I just LOVED it. I want to sew more. The plan is to learn how to sew my own basic clothes. Wouldn’t that be so fun?

Nourishing Motherhood

  • Velveteen Mama Diaries : Of course, how can this blog exist without mama confessions ? I spill the beautiful and the not so. The stuff that motherhood is all about: working out our own dramas so we can raise our children without them. :)
  • Magical Childhood: Here, I share how I’m pursuing Presence and Pleasure in my  everyday life with 3 year old. I will share photos of the small joys and wonders (and of course, the chaos)  that comes with childhood.
  • Learning Together: I’m gearing up to be a home-schooling mama and I want to share my research here (on learning and child development), if only to help me solidify my reasons for doing so. I want our homeschooling experience to be full of the P’s (words I’ve already used a lot in this post so I’ll try to use them less…except it’s so hard not to!) And I want to interview other mamas who are doing it. I hope to attract a community of eclectic homeschooling mamas who share my obsession with the P’s. :)

Nourishing Food

  • Visual Weekly Menu: I’m not sure about this yet but I’m going to experiment sharing our weekly menu visually, meaning photos.  I’ve been taking SO MANY PHOTOS of our food and I need an outlet! I haven’t quite decided yet whether I’ll be a week ahead in real life so I can share the photos of food I’ve already made…I’m leaning towards that but we’ll see.
  • Healthy Treats: We love to bake yummies made a bit more healthy and it seems like I get asked the recipes for these said indulgences. Sugar gives me the crazies, not Pleasure so I’ve learned to bake without it! I’ll share my tips here!
  • Real Food Hacks: If you’re a mama who likes to learn how to transition to whole food and traditional cooking without the guilt and angst, I’ll share hacks I’m learning right here. How to make healthy eating fun? (Oh yes, we did the GAPS diet this January and now we are done! We did it just to detox but we’re moving on. Still eating lots of broth-based food and cultured stuff but hello grains! We’ve missed you!)
  • Small Bites: And finally, snack and lunch ideas for the littles. Because they eat like every couple of hours, you know? And I need the reminder to make it as  fun as I could because it feels like feeding the little is all I do some days.

Nourishing Homemaking

  • Make It Lovely: My home is pretty minimalist and I am in the mood to go from drab to fab! My old minimalist philosophy is still somewhat alive, but I’m onto braver and bolder ideas: I want to be surrounded by Beauty if I can help it. And that includes my home. It doesn’t mean I have to fork out a lot of money, nor does it mean I totally abandon my sense of simplicity. So far we’ve been transforming the rooms into our house slowly but surely into something more lovely! Presence and Pleasure in the small things!
  • Generous Homemaking: This one is simply about extending that Presence and Pleasure lifestyle to the world at large, most especially to others who need it most. I’m going really crazy by considering Foster Parenting again (oh, and I’m back at nanny-ing once more! I tell you, most of our suffering is in our mind! I’m back to loving it again!)…there has to be a reason why it’s in my heart, right? I’m also wanting to learn how to become a better neighbor. Because honestly? I haven’t been. How does a recluse build community right where she is? She can’t! So, how do I quit being a recluse and still honor my need for space and solitude? And finally, I want to tackle the issue of Helping without Harming. Something I’ve been passionate about since my missionary days. Because really? Not all Helping really helps.
  • A Home More Natural: Oh yes, I’ve been tinkering into homemade remedies lately. I have scalp psoriasis and I refuse to put tar on it! So I’ve gotten myself into herbs and such...Susun Weed is a good teacher but I have so much to learn! I want to expore more about natural health for families…vaccines and such and how that all ties in with..yup, you guessed it, Presence, Purpose and Pleasure! 

Nourishing Livelihood

  • Social Media and Blogging Goddess: I didn’t realize this but I’ve been blogging for what? 8 years now! And did you know that I started my own website in 1996? Yup. So needless to say, I’ve got some stuff to share in this department. (Oh, and I’m on Facebook, Pinterest and Instagram a lot. Hang out with me there? And I want to learn how to live it up on Twitter vewy vewy soon.)
  • Conscious Entrepreneur + Passion-Based Work: I‘m learning SO darn much in bits and pieces about working for yourself and centering your work around your purpose and passion. But there is so much to learn! So, I’m hoping to interview women who are rocking both business and home life. I’m out to prove that  we can have it all!

Nourishing Family

  • Happily Ever After: I don’t feel qualified to give marriage advice ever, only to share our story as honestly as I could. We have our struggles, but this is the year I want to be MORE about happiness in our marriage. More ooh-la-la-la and orgasmic joy in all proportions.
  • Merry Family: Simple family time is what we’re all about. How to pursue Presence, Purpose and Pleasure as a family? How to slow down and enjoy the simplest things together?

Nourishing Art 

  • Everyday Creatix: Oh yeah, one of my intentions for the year is to CREATE something beautiful every single delicious day of my life. Whether it’s a drawing, an outfit, well-strewn words, a story or something yummy in the kitchen, I’m chanelling my Inner Creatix instead of Consumer from Hell. Create with me?
  • I Have A Dream: I’m retracing my way back to my childhood dreams and making them happen. Like, how I’m dancing again.  And other magnificent stuff. Photos, inspired vignettes of amazing people who are doing it too. Weekly steps I’m taking and what I’m learning how to make it happen.

This and That:

  • Giveaways  + Reviews: We’re rounding up sponsors for this blog, and I’m on a hunt for like-minded ventures, art and projects to showcase here. Stuff and services that make the world a lovelier place. Some of you ladies have juicy art I’m eyeing and I’ll be emailing you soon.

Whew. So that’s that. What say you? Are you in? Let’s make this the year we live our big, bold and beautiful lives, shall we?


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Coming Home To Ourselves: The (Wounded) Voice of the Feminine

November 7, 2011 By 10 Comments

Note: I thought I hit publish this morning but apparently not! Anyway, this post was hard for me to write, perhaps because everything is still to raw and right-now so consider this a sort of a rambling-processing post. Take what speaks to you!  It is after all, my story and mine alone.

Last Sunday, I attended the opening service of a brand new Anglican church started by a woman who I met years ago (and had kept meaningful contact with through Facebook!) It was quite an experience for me, having grown up in mostly a non-liturgical male-led church. I actually enjoyed the liturgy and most especially when we were asked to kneel for the confession. It took me back to the church I was part of in the last year or so in college where we practiced the liturgy of silence and the Lord’s Prayer (together with a vigorous hand-raising feet-stomping kind of praise and worship) which often guided me into God’s Presence. But today, I’m not writing about liturgy. I’m writing about The Feminine (or the Absence of) in the Christian church.

For most people, the absence is about the lack of female leadership in the church.

I came upon this article last week on The Provoketive written by Melody Hansen. I came across  it through Jim Henderson on Facebook, who I’ve engaged in a discussion online a few years ago when I left a rating at ChurchRater for Mars Hill Church. (If you must know, I attended Mars Hill for a year right after my husband and I got married and I loved it. Back then. Oh how things change! We found another church soon after my daughter was born.)

Back to the article. I resonated with much of what she was saying. I’m so glad for women like Melody who speak up, especially about getting weary about speaking up. I loved especially this part:

I believe it harms us to rarely hear the spiritual voices of women and for me personally, it hampers my faith and my journey with Christ. Thank God that we have the example of Jesus who took risks for women, ministered with, received from and listened to women. He was our example of reconciliation and grace in the lives of women. If only the church modeled their behavior toward women after Jesus. Sadly the Church is ignoring the stories of women in the Bible, and of women historically and in the Church worldwide today. Women have been actively participating in the work of the church since its inception. Women are missionaries, teaching in seminaries, running nonprofits and leading in higher education. Women are writing and want to write on more than “soft or women’s issues.” But in the Church women are still finding their voice.

Yes, I love that we can look to Jesus and find an example of how to honor women. But honestly? This approach/pesrpective leaves me wanting. Here was the comment I left on the blog:

Me too. And often I wonder, could it be because our very foundation and practice of our faith removes the Feminine? With the Father God, the Son Jesus and the neutral-gender Holy Spirit woven into the very consciousness of every women who reads and breathes the Scriptures with no other Face and Presence of the Feminine, why are we surprised that women are disconnected from their voice and spiritual identity?

I didn’t receive any response. And I get it. My comment was like a tangent in context of what was written.

But in the bigger picture, is it?

Could it be possible that many women in most Christian churches are disconnected from their voice and true spiritual identity because the Voice of the Feminine is silenced and wounded? Why is God the Father and the Holy Spirit an It and not a She? How does it shape a women to be praying Our Father and never having a consciousness about a Feminine Divine all her life? How does it shape our spirituality to be reading Scriptures written by men and mostly from a men’s perspective? Does it matter?

I’m obviously not an expert in these matters. I’m no theologian. I have only started to read a bit and feel very inadequate to broach the topic.

But what I am is awakened to the absence of the Feminine in our text and in our practice of our faith. Not just the absence of women in the church.

Women are indeed equal but remain peripheral because the Feminine Divine remains so. And I don’t know what to make of Scriptures that leave Her out.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t know. This is probably the reason why I am drawn to explore Christian-Wicca, Christian Mysticism and the Gnostic Gospels. At least I find a trace of Her there.

There is no way I can go back and live with her Absence.

I can only move forward and seek Her Presence.

Thoughts? Do share! And if you know anyone who would appreciate this post, pass it along!

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